Scarred
by courthale
Summary: Bella Swan and her bother Emmett have to move back to Forks with their dad after a fire killed their mother and step-father. Bella was left with emotional and physical scars and is trying to be brave for her brother. What happens when they meet 4 friends?
1. Prologue

**JUST A WARNING!!**

**This story will be updated sporadically at least until I can get one of my other stories done!**

**I just wanted your opinion before I wasted my time with continuing it. It will be sad and cry your eyes out kind of way. But if you have read my others you know that.**

**This is the story my poll was for.**

Scarred

Prologue

"Mom!" I yelled choking on the flames and smoke. "MOM!" I just needed to get to her. "PHIL!" I yelled again as I tried to push through the door. "Emmett!" I cried for my big brother. I couldn't hear anyone in particular, just screaming.

_No!_

"She's here. I found her." Someone yelled, but it sounded muffled than it all went black with a searing pain I didn't realize was there.

--

**I will post this and Chapter one now, but like I said. A warning that it will be slow going until I get the others.**


	2. Freak

Scarred

Chapter 1

Freak

The bus came to a stop at the small station in Forks. I went to grab my bag but Emmett already had it over his shoulder. He smiled that familiar dimpled smile. Only a hint of sadness was behind it now. I returned it with the same sad eyes and took his hand in my gloved one.

We walked off together and immediately saw our father. It was not the best circumstances to be seeing him again but it was nice. He was all we had left besides each other and seeing his recognizable brown eyes like ours was a comfort. I still held Emmett's hand as I gave Charlie an awkward hug. It wasn't that we didn't love each other. He just had a difficult time with his emotions, like I did. Emmett did the same and we all piled into his cruiser after putting our minimal belongings into the trunk.

_I miss them._

"Bells, I got you all new stuff for your room, but if you want something else I'm sure we can find it." I nodded and went back to staring out the back window. I looked down at my lap and saw my gloves and a tear fell to my jeans. I wanted to die. I wanted to go with them. But I had to be strong.

_For Emmett._

"Dad, when did you want us start school?" I was brought out of my thoughts when Emmett, my twin brother, asked.

"I was actually wondering when you wanted to." He said.

"I think Bells is ready for structure. I think it would be good to get started." Emmett said back in his normal protective tone. He knew if I didn't do something I was going to crawl into a hole and never come out.

"Okay, I already called the school, but we can get you guys in next week. Since, it's Friday that will give you time to settle in a bit."

"Yeah." Emmett said and looked back at me and I nodded.

"Yeah." I said back and patted his back softly.

It had been 6 months since my mom and step dad were killed in the fire. We had to sty behind because of my injuries. Charlie came up and stayed for a little while but I told him to go back. I didn't want to bother him and Emmett took care of me just fine. He always did. The doctor said I had burns on 35% of my body. My hands were burned when I pushed on the door I didn't realize was on fire. All I knew was that I had to get to them. My shirt also caught fire and burned my torso and almost to the knee of my legs. I felt so disgusting. I was not only plain Bella any more. I was ugly scarred Bella.

"It looks exactly the same dad." Emmett said as he got out of the car. I didn't even realize we had stopped.

"What can I say? You old man doesn't like change." He shrugged and carried in some of my bags. I just followed silently behind wishing I were away from here. I love my family don't get me wrong. I just saw all the good times in their faces and that led to the inevitable bad memories.

We walked up the stairs to the bedrooms and mine was the middle door with both Emmet and Charlie's on sides. They sat my stuff down and stood awkwardly for a second before I spoke.

"I'm really tired. I think I just want to take a nap." They both nodded and moved over to the door. Emmett stopped and turned when he reached the door. He walked back over to me and gave me a gentle hug. I wished I was well enough for his bone crushers but I was still sensitive and he treated my like glass now.

"I love you Bells." He whispered and I sniffled with tears in my eyes. I felt a tear hit my head as he let one out himself.

"I love you too Em." My voice broke a bit. He pulled back and kissed my forehead before leaving. I sat on my bed just staring into space for what seemed like only a second and lay back on the bed. My eyes started to droop and I tried to fight it, because with sleep came the nightmares. I couldn't do those anymore so I just stayed up as much as I could but I could feel the sleep overtake me. The last thing I heard before the darkness over took me was my loving brother.

"With her sleep comes the nightmare. Just a warning, she sometimes screams." I whimpered at that but fell into my sleep.

--

_The flames were all around me trapping me._

_I had no way out. _

_It wasn't my home anymore but a hell. _

_I could hear the screams and yells. _

_I fell to my knees in agony of my mother's tortured cries. _

_I could hear Phil shout for me but I was glued to the floor. _

_Fear paralyzed me and I couldn't even think to move. _

_My breathing came out hard and labored. _

_I could smell the smoke like it was yesterday. _

_My whole world was going away and I couldn't stop it. _

_I looked down at my hands._

_Burning._

_I was burning._

_Still, I couldn't move._

_I looked up to see my mother's face._

_So sad._

"_Bella." She whispered, and then she was gone._

"_MOM!" I yelled but she was gone. "MOM!"_

"Bella!" I felt someone lightly shaking me and I sat up straight. It was dark but I knew who it was. I threw my arms around his neck and cried. Sobs wracked through my body as I held my brother. He pulled me into his lap and shushed me. "I'm here." He said.

Never did he say it would be okay.

Because it never would be.

It would never be even remotely close to okay that we lost our mother.

Never would it be okay that we lost a man that had become a father to us.

Never.

Once the sobs died down a bit I pulled away to look into his face and I felt guilt rush over me. He was always so strong for me that it took all his energy. He put me back into my bed and stood to leave.

"Please stay." I whispered and grabbed his hand. "I can't…." I started and Emmet just nodded getting under my covers with me. He pulled me close to his side and kissed the top of my head.

"I'll be here." He whispered and I fell into a dreamless but still restless sleep.

--

The weekend came and with it a few things. I got to just relax and read. One thing that was a comfort and something that would never change. Emmett and I went out and got the things we would need for school.

Sunday was a bit of a surprise. Charlie bought us a truck to share. It was from his old friend Billy. Him and his son brought it over to us. They were nice but I felt self conscious of my burns. I always wore gloves so it wouldn't bother people. I never wore shorts or skirts either. Every thing I wore now was just to cover my burns. I felt gross.

Jacob and Billy were nice, but I was still uncomfortable. Jacob always seems to be staring and it made me feel worse. I hated when people stared. I went up to my room when they all settled to watch some game. I got hungry and went to find they had ordered pizza. As soon as I came down I saw and heard a sight I hadn't seen in too long. Emmett was laughing and having fun.

Guilt again.

It was a constant emotion when with him. He always worried about me and I felt bad. But the thing was that I needed him and I would keep him as close as I could as long as I did. It was just nice to see, but bittersweet.

That was my weekend. The whole time dreading Monday morning as my first day at Forks high was near. I felt sick.

--

I threw up this morning. Emmett said it was the nerves along with the dreams. He was right.

"Come on. Get in the shower. You'll feel better." Emmett said and turned on the water before leaving me to clean up. I looked into the mirror and saw my face. I guess luck was with me there. My face was clear of burns but I could see my ungloved hands and grimaced and threw a towel over the mirror to not have to see my naked body.

Once I was finished Emmett took his turn while I got dressed for the day. I looked cold and rainy like always. I was relieved for that. And excuse to wearing a lot of clothes.

I put on my long sleeve shirt and then my hoodie. I took out my comfy jeans and put them on as well. I swept me hair back into a messy bun and that was it. No need for anything else. I grabbed my gloves that had the fingertips and put them on. I was less conspicuous that way. Just as I finished getting everything together Emmett appeared at my door ready to go. We both grabbed a pop tart and headed for the truck. It was old, but it was something. Showing up for the first day of class in the cruiser was not my idea of fun.

We pulled up to the school and it was small to say the least. As soon as we pulled up I noticed the looks we were getting.

Sympathy.

Curiosity

Spite

Lust (for Emmett of course)

We walked into the building with the office and saw an older lady there with glasses on the edge of her nose. She looked up and smiled.

"Emmett and Isabella Swan, correct?" She said.

"Yes, we wanted to get our schedules." He said and went o the desk in front of her. I stood behind him with my head down. I really didn't want to be here.

"Okay" She said and gathered two stacks of papers. "This is the schedule along with a map and a paper I will need you to have all of your teachers sign and then bring it to me at the end of the day." She gave them both to Emmett and he in turn gave me mine.

**My schedule was:**

**First- English**

**Second- American History**

**Third- Calculus**

**Fourth- Lunch**

**Fifth- Biology**

**Sixth- Literature**

**Seventh- P.E.**

**Emmett's was:**

**First- English**

**Second- Calculus**

**Third- American History **

**Fourth- Lunch**

**Fifth- Literature**

**Sixth- Biology**

**Seventh- P.E.**

So, we had some together that was good. We walked to the English classroom and Emmett could feel how nervous I was.

"Bells, I'm here." He said and led me into the room. All conversation stopped when we came into the room. We spotted two chairs at an empty table and sat down. He gave me a reassuring smile before the teacher came in and got the classes attention.

"Well, I see out new student are here. Care to introduce yourselves?" He smiled. Bastard. Was all I could think and sent Emmett and pleading look. He took the lead with introductions.

"I'm Emmett Swan. This is my twin sister Isabella, but she likes to be called Bella." He said and then sat down.

"Well, thank you Emmett but I think you sister can introduce herself." He looked to me. All the other students did as well. I felt all their eyes on me, and I felt so scared.

I felt my stomach twist in knots and the hot tears pricked my eyes. I let out a small whimper before bursting out the door and running out of the building. I heard Emmett behind me but I ran. I came to a stop at the side of the building and put my hands to my knees and hunched over. I could feel the panic coming. I hated this. I couldn't breath. I felt a hand on my back and assumed it was Emmett trying to calm me down.

I fell against the wall and slid down to sit, and put my head between my knees. My breathing slowed and I could feel a presence beside me asking if I was okay. I shook my head. I looked over and it wasn't Emmett but a shining pair of emerald green eyes set in a pale face. The face was etched with concern and I could see his defined jaw and five o'clock shadow. I saw a cigarette behind his ear and sun glasses in his messy unruly bronze hair. My eyes traveled and saw he was in a motorcycle jacket with a black muscle tee underneath. His jeans were a dark wash and clung to him nicely.

"Are you okay?" He asked again and my eyes snapped up to meet his face.

"Yeah." I croaked and wiped the tears off my face.

"Are you sure? You seem upset." He said while crouching in front of me. I nodded unable to speak with his presence so close. Wanted to reach out and touch him or kiss him. Or even both while he said loving words in my ear. "Hello?" He waved a hand in front of my face and it flushed pink from embarrassment.

"Yeah, just first day freak out." I said and stood. He let out a small laugh.

"I thought you looked new. It's easy to see a fresh face around here." I nodded.

"It is small."

"Yeah," He said and fidgeted awkwardly. "Well I'll see ya." He said and then ran off.

"BELLS!" I heard and then spun around to see my brother. He gave me a hug and calmed me down.

"I'm sorry." I sniffed and took in my brother's familiar scent to calm me down. He held me close and soon we heard the bell ring signaling the end of class. We were still hugging when we heard some laughing behind us.

"Freak." A nasally voice said.

"Excuse me." Emmett said and turned to the girl.

"Not you." She backtracked and batted her eyelashes at him.

"Emmett, just leave it." I sighed and took his hand.

"No, Bells, she will apologize." He said looking back at her. There was a crowd forming and I really didn't want the attention.

"Ugh, like no way." She said and flipped her hair over he shoulder. "I only call them how I see them. She's a freak." She said and looked at her nails. Emmett was fuming. He was someone who would never hit a girl but I could see he was considering it.

"Superficial bitch says what." A little pixie girl with dark spiky hair said and came behind the girl who was causing all the problems. She was wearing a plaid mini skirt; purple heals, with a white tank top with a jacket that looked way too big for her. It was a motorcycle jacket similar to the guy who helped me. It was probably her boyfriend's. She looked too beautiful not to have someone.

"What?" She said. The crowd broke out in laughs. It was beginning to be a huge crowd.

"Run along Lauren, be a bitch to someone else." The pixie girl said moving in between her and Emmett.

"Freaks gotta stick together, huh?" She sneered.

"Oh always the witty one, eh Lauren? Go ahead and find some football player to fuck you under the bleachers. Classy." A tall blonde said and came up to her then. She was gorgeous. She had long thick silky blonde hair, tall, and I just about felt sick about having to stand close to her. She was wearing a long sleeved red v-neck that showed her cleavage, and her legs had dark skinny jeans with some boots that came to almost her knee over the jeans.

"Whatever." She flipped her hair back again and sneered at me. "This isn't over." I had no idea why she would be mad at me. I hadn't said one word in the whole exchange.

"Run along bitch." The smaller girl said. She turned to walk away and the crowd dissipated leaving only the four of us. Once they were all gone, they turned to Emmett and me. The small girl smiled widely at me as the blonde seemed to be sizing up Emmett and he had a huge smile across his face back at her.

"Hi. I'm Alice." She said and held her hand out for me to shake. I hesitated and Emmett sensed my distress by taking her hand instead.

"I'm Emmett, and this is my sister Bella."

"I'm Rosalie." She said and walked over to Emmett lingering holding his hand for longer than normal. Then the bell rang and Emmett handed me my stuff as I ran to my next class.

"Bye." Alice said from behind me.

"Bye." I gave her a small wave. That seemed to suit her and she bounced away into the arms of a tall blonde guy leaning on a motorcycle. It looked like a Ducati and next to him on a similar bike was none other than the green-eyed god, and he was looking right at me. I blushed and looked down hurrying off to my next class hoping to not have a repeat of the first one.

--

It was lunchtime and I hadn't seen Emmett since the incident in the parking lot. I had luck in my next few classes and no one bothered me. I did have on nice girl named Angela introduce herself and she showed me where my class was. We didn't really talk but she was nice. It was refreshing.

"Bells!" Emmett waved to me from a table where he was sitting with the blonde Rosalie. They seemed really cozy.

"Hey." I said quietly and sat down.

"Here." Emmett said and pushed a tray towards me. "Eat." He commanded. I smiled at him and began to pick at the fruit. I kept my head down as they talked.

"So, how are you liking it so far?" Rosalie asked in a friendly tone.

"Great. I found this really nice girl who is dropped dead gorgeous." He winked at her and she smiled.

"Really, anyone I know?" She smiled at the flirting. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and forget everything around me. But I was happy, he hadn't been this happy in months.

"Hey!" I heard Alice as she sat beside me with the blonde from before. "Bella, Emmett this is Jasper Hale. He's my boyfriend and Rose's brother." She said and he tipped his head to me.

"Nice to meet you, she's told me so much about you already." He said in a polite calming voice.

"You too." I said quietly.

"Yeah man. This little fireballs really save my ass today. I was about to punch that girl out. I'm not one for hitting girls but she was close." Emmett said to him. Jasper nodded.

"They are feisty ones alright." He laughed.

"Well, how's the first day, Bella." He asked me politely. As if her could sense my discomfort he moved on to something else. "What exactly happened anyway?"

"Bitch called my baby sister a name, and I wasn't having that." Emmett said in anger and crossed his arms over his chest.

I laughed and muttered, "She's right." Hoping no one would hear, but of course they did, but thankfully I only got concerned looks and no lingering on it. The chair on the other side of me scooted out and I heard the velvet voice I couldn't seem to get out of my head.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Yeah." I murmured looking at my plate.

"Edward, this is Bella. Bella, Emmett this is my brother Edward." She said smiling and her eyes going back and forth between Edward and I.

"We've met." I said. Alice was confused.

"Briefly." He said to her. "In passing." She nodded and went back to her conversation with Emmett and Rosalie while Jasper held her in his lap. I could tell that the jacket was indeed his.

I felt some eyes on me as I picked at my food and looked to see Edward staring at me. He quickly looked away and I blushed deep crimson. This seemed to amuse him because he chuckled quietly.

"Bella, what's you next class?" Alice asked breaking through our moment.

"Um," I pulled my schedule from my pocket. "Bio." I said.

"Oh, Edward has that too. Walk her to class." She said to him just as the bell rang. She got out of Jasper's lap and took his hand as they disappeared and Emmett said a goodbye to Rosalie and they headed in opposite directions.

I stood and went for my tray but Edward got it first taking to dump it and put it away for me. I smiled at him then ducked my head to the floor avoiding his gaze. I followed him wordlessly as we made our way to class. Once in there he gave a small smile to me and went to sit down. I went to the teacher and he signed my paper.

"The last seat available is by Mr. Cullen." He said and pointed at the empty seat next to Edward. I could feel all eyes on me as I walked to sit down.

"Why does the freak get to sit next to him?" I heard a harsh whisper.

I felt my face heat and angry tears brimming in my eyes. I was almost to my seat when my foot caught and I tripped falling into my chair. Everybody seemed to be laughing until the teacher called the class to order. I didn't want to look at Edward and see him laughing, that would have been too much, so I kept my eyes down the whole class time. I was doodling on my paper when a note slid under my line of sight.

**Are you okay?**

I looked over and Edward was looking ahead taking notes and acting to be paying attention. I decided to write back.

**Yeah, have everyone laugh at me and call me freak makes my day.**

I know it was harsh but he let out a small chuckle as he read it. He shook his head and continued to take notes. A little bit later he slid the note to me again.

**I'm sorry this school is so awful. Just stick with Alice and Rose, they protect their own.**

**I saw that.**

**Yeah, it's what they do.**

**I like them.**

**They like you.**

**I don't know why.**

**I like you.**

I looked at the note stunned. Did he mean as a friend or was he saying more? No, not more. I'm gross Bella with scars and awful social skills. I wrote back the same response.

**I don't know why.**

I looked at him as he read it. He looked really upset. He seemed really mad about that. He didn't have a chance to give back his response because the teacher snatched the note away.

"Mr. Cullen, note passing is looked down upon in my class." Mr. Banner said. "How about we share what this says with the class." He took the note and walked to the front of the room. Edward looked pissed. I could tell he was the school's badass by the way his glare made the teacher shrink back a bit. "Just a punishment." He squeaked out. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a breath.

He read the note to the class and when he came to the response I hadn't heard yet he stopped. He cleared his throat and Edward stood.

"Not a good idea Banner." He growled. He walked over to him and ripped the note from his hands and walked out. I was stunned. He seemed so sweet and he just growled at a teacher.

The rest of class was a daze. I heard the bell ring and walked to my next class. I found Alice in there. She waved me over to sit next to her. I sat silently and thanked her.

"How's it been? Edward help you out?" She asked before class started. I nodded.

"Yes." I whispered.

"You're shy, huh?" She mused. "Not for long. With me and Rose you'll be a fire cracker soon." She said as the teacher started the lesson.

--

**REVIEW!!**

**So, what do you think?**

**Like I said, don't expect updates often.**

**I will try though.**


	3. Fix Yourself

**The response I got was inspiring. So here's Edward's POV. And half of you asked what he wrote in the note. It's in here. I hope it's not anticlimactic. **

**FAST AND HARD and NEVER FORGOTTEN will be updated tomorrow and Friday.**

**I will keep up the circulations. Fast and Hard, Never Forgotten, then Scarred. **

**I will write when I can, but I am a full time student in the School of Education program at my university. I have 53 practicum hours and 1 hour a week spent in a lab along with my 15 hours. So I will write when I can.**

**I love you all. Thanks for the support.**

**READ ON MOTHERFUCKERS!**

**By the way, Edward's a potty mouth. So that's the motherfucker comment came from writing two hours of cursing. LOL, and Bella had a completely different view of him of what he actually is. He will explain in here.**

Scarred

Edward's Chapter 1

Fix yourself

_Another nightmare._

_Only this time I had the gun._

_FUCK!_

--

"WAKE THE FUCK UP EDWARD!!!" I heard the annoying voice of Alice shouting through my door. I looked over at the clock and it was about 7. I could get 15 more minutes. I didn't have to do all that froo froo shit with my hair and clothes. Even if I don't like any of the girls at my pathetic excuse for a high school doesn't mean I don't like when they cat call at my 'sex hair'.

_Fucking Sheep!_

"EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!" She pounded on the door again.

"FUCK OFF PIXIE! GO SPREAD THE JOY SOMEWHERE ELSE!" I shouted back and rolled over.

"Fine, when you get another tardy and have ISS don't come crying to me." She said and then stomped away.

I rolled over but just as I did, my piece of shit alarm decided to scream in my ear. I threw off the covers and stomped into my bathroom to take a shower.

_Fuckin great start to a great day!_

--

I was out the door at 8 a.m. and Jasper was waiting for me on his bike while I got on mine. He nodded to me and we both took off. It was always like a fucking high when I just took off on my favorite piece of machinery. Like not a thing could touch me.

No bad memories.

No half assed attempts at healing.

No therapy.

No gravestones.

No sheep.

Just me and the wind.

We pulled into school to find it full of cars but empty of people. We rarely ever went to our first class. Fucking waste of time if you asked me. I hated this school. Always the same shit. OVER AND OVER.

We both got off our bikes and sat there for a second just smoking. I hear their bad for you but catch me on a day I haven't had one, now that's bad for _your _health.

"So, I hear the chief's kids are here. Better watch out, he's already on our asses." Jasper chuckled quietly at some of our _extra curricular activities_ that the chief had to bust up.

"Yeah, like I ever do the shit I'm supposed to." I laughed and he just shook his head at me.

I heard the doors slam open and saw someone running over to a wall before sliding down. They looked pretty fucking messed up. Jasper nodded over to them and I nodded back saying I got it. I walked over and saw it was a girl. She had long brown hair but I couldn't see her face. She looked like she was having a panic attack. I knew how bad that shit was.

So I, Edward 'I don't give a fuck' Cullen, felt empathy.

I know, I think I felt hell freeze over.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I approached her. She just shook her head and I left her alone but when she started to calm down I asked again.

"Are you okay?" She looked up then and I think I lost the air in my lungs as it came out in a whoosh. She had the most beautiful fucking brown chocolate eyes I had ever seen. Usually brown eyes are so shallow and seem void, but her. She had deep pools and I felt I could just swim in them all day. I shook my head and realized I was staring and heard her let out a strangled yeah. "Are you sure? You seem upset." I have no idea where the concerned part of me came from. I had only eight people in my whole life I had ever felt concern for.

And two of them were gone.

"Yeah, just first day freak out." She said and swayed to stand. I let out a small laugh. I looked down and she was wearing something the looked like a guy would wear but I didn't take away from how gorgeous she was. She was wearing gloves too, and it didn't really make sense, but who was I to question.

"I thought you looked new. It's easy to see a fresh face around here."

"It is small." She said quietly.

"Yeah," I said and fidgeted awkwardly. "Well I'll see ya." And like the pussy I had turned into in the last 5 minutes, I ran.

_Yeah, fuckin great day!_

"What was that?" Jasper asked with a small smile on his face. I punched him in the shoulder causing him to sway. "What the fuck, bro?"

"She was having a panic attack and I know what that shits like and I didn't want to just leave her there." He nodded but still had that fucking smirk I wanted to punch off his face. I just leaned against my baby and turned to look at the mystery girl who had my panties in a twist. She was in the arms of a big brute that looked like a fucking meathead. He was rocking her side to side and it looked to be making her feel better.

"So these are the Swan twins." Jasper said next to me. I nodded but internally breathed a sigh of relief. What was she doing to me? We barely spoke to each other, but I found myself jealous.

"Hey baby." Alice said as she leapt into Jasper's arms. I rolled my eyes.

"Get a room." I muttered.

"Hey Ali. I missed you." He said while kissing her neck. I gagged. She giggled. "But since I'm the only one who gets the privilege of that glorious body how about you wear my jacket." She rolled her eyes but allowed him to put it on her. She was pretty fucking indecent. I don't blame him.

"I missed you too."

Just then we heard the annoying voice of none other than Lauren 'bitch of Forks' Mallory.

"Freak." She said in that annoying way girls try to sound like their sneezing, but it's a fucking cowards way of insulting.

"Who's that?" Alice asked as she turned to see what was going down.

"The Swans and someone needs to get over there before the brute takes her head off." Jasper said. Alice kissed his cheek and bounced over to diffuse the situation I was close to handling myself.

After a while Rosalie walked over.

"I think my day just got a bit better." She smiled at us and walked over to the scuffle.

"Man, they live for this shit." Jasper muttered shaking is head.

"That's why we love them." I smiled. Alice was my adopted sister and Rosalie was pretty much my sister. We all just sort of migrated to each other and been inseparable ever since. And the Swan brother looked just her type.

_Figures_.

After Lauren and her posse walked away Alice turned to them and introduced herself. The guy introduced them as Bella and Emmett. I noticed Bella never really spoke and had her eyes down most of the time. When Alice offered her hand her brother stepped in and shook so she wouldn't have to. It was odd how she seemed so distant. When the bell rang she made a quick exit saying a small bye and waving at Alice before she left. Alice came back over to us and as I was staring after her she turned and we locked eyes. She immediately looked at the ground and hurried away.

--

Pretty soon lunch was here and I was thankful. The teachers in all my classes knew I was smarter than them so they stayed out of my way. I was Dr. Cullen's precious son so they never messed with me. I was never more thankful to wear the name Cullen.

_It was better than fucking MASEN!_

I walked in and saw two new bodies at our usual table and smiled.

Bella.

She was sitting quietly picking at her food when I walked up. I scooted out the chair next to her and spoke.

"Are you okay?" I asked her quietly. My usual 'fuck off' voice would not do with her fragile state.

"Yeah." She said not meeting my eyes.

"Edward, this is Bella. Bella, Emmett this is my brother Edward." Alice said looking back and forth between Bella and myself. She had that same smile Jasper was wearing this morning.

"We've met." She said and Alice raised a curious eyebrow.

"Briefly. In passing." Alice nodded and went back to her conversation with Emmett and Rosalie while Jasper was groping her in his lap.

I watched her fascinated at my sudden interest in her. I didn't know why. I had always kept a distance from females knowing I would fuck it up. I always had a reputation though. I was an 18-year-old male who had needs. I'm not going to pussy foot around it. I got pussy when I needed it.

But her.

She was different.

She looked up at me to see me staring. She quickly ducked her head and blushed.

_Fucking adorable._

I laughed at myself for begin such a pussy and her for being so damn shy.

"Bella, what's your next class?" Alice asked breaking through our moment.

"Um, Bio." She said, and I think I might have let the little boy inside me jump for joy. We had the same class. And my knowledge of the seating meant she would be my new lab partner.

"Oh, Edward has that too. Walk her to class." She demanded me. She didn't have to tell me twice. I picked up Bella's tray and put it away. I wasn't one for gentlemanly ways but something about her screamed that she needed to be taken care of.

_And you're going to be that person? Can't even fucking fix yourself._

I banished these thoughts as we walked silently to class. I don't know if she felt it but we had this weird electricity shit around us. I felt fucking amazing.

We walked in and I gave her a smile as our eyes locked and walked to my seat. I watched as Mr. 'fucking tool' Banner signed her paper and sent her towards me.

"Why does the freak get to sit next to him?" I heard a harsh whisper.

I rolled my eyes at the jealous twats in our school. But Bella seemed upset. And her mind wondering led her to trip and fall into her seat. I wanted to ask if she was okay but the blush she had made me rethink that. Probably making it worse.

Class was a bore as usual. I wanted to talk to her. We were so close but Banner wouldn't enjoy us socializing during his class. I didn't care but I didn't want to get her in trouble. I pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote her a note.

**Are you okay?**

I slid it under her face and looked straight ahead pretending to pay attention.

**Yeah, have everyone laugh at me and call me freak makes my day.**

Some emotion. Good. I chuckled at her tenacity. I wrote back what I knew she needed.

**I'm sorry this school is so awful. Just stick with Alice and Rose, they protect their own.**

**I saw that.**

**Yeah, it's what they do.**

**I like them.**

**They like you.**

**I don't know why.**

_What?_

**I like you.**

I figured why not. She needed someone to tell her that they were there. I felt like she needed to know she was a cool chick of what I saw so far.

**I don't know why.**

This girl was going to be the death of me. She had no sense of self worth. No even thinking she was worthy of friends. I was pretty fucking angry at whatever made her that way. I wrote my response.

**From what I see, you're beautiful, kind, shy, smart, and cynical. Don't take people's shit! You're worth it.**

Before I could give it back Banner took it from me.

"Mr. Cullen, note passing is looked down upon in my class." Banner said. "How about we share what this says with the class." I was pissed and knew how to make the mother fucker cower. I glared at him as he seemed shaken. "Just a punishment."

He read the note and when he came to the part that I pretty much sounded like a fucking pussy I had enough.

"Not a good idea Banner." I growled. I walked over to him and ripped the note from his hands and walked out. I was out the door when I realized I was holding my breath. I got leaned against my bike and just sat there and thought.

_What the fuck Cullen? Acting all love sick puppy. You just hurt in the end. It won't fucking work. Even is she was into you. She's too innocent to want a vile creature like you. You'll just end up like you're father. The man you share DNA with will show through some day and you'll hurt her or anyone else you care for. Keep her away. Don't give yourself hope. It always bites you in the ass._

The bell rang mid rant and I realized the day was over. I waited for Jasper and he seemed to know my mood was off so we didn't wait for Alice and Rose to come out. We climbed on our bikes and left. We went to my house and he went up to Alice's room to wait as I paced the living room. Carlisle came in about 20 minutes later.

"Hey Edward. How was your day?" He said as he took off his coat and set down his brief case.

"Something happened and I want to talk." I said while I walked up to him. He nodded and led me to his study. I followed and he sat behind his desk while I sat in front.

"What's on your mind son?" He asked concerned.

"Well, I was at school and we met some new kids. One of them was a girl and I have this feeling that she's different. I don't know what it is I just feel it." He nodded in understanding.

"I see. What's the problem exactly?"

"I think I ….." I squinted my eyes closed and I really needed a fucking cigarette. I stood and walked around to the window behind his desk. He waited for me to talk before he spoke. He knew I needed a minute. I took a deep breath and asked what I had been dreading for the past 6 years. "I think I need to try therapy again."

--

**REVIEW!!**

**So, what do you think of poor Edward?**

**His secret will be revealed slowly. It is something I have in mind that will put an obvious damper on the budding romance. **

**I hope the note was okay. He is supposed to be all badass and that note was not Edward 'I don't give a fuck' Cullen material. He was embarrassed.**


	4. Confrontations

**Thanks to my awesome beta paradigmofsecrecy. You really helped me with this one. I was having a bit of trouble with it, so thank you.**

**Read on!!**

Scarred

Chapter 3

Confrontations

Bella

This is my life.

This is my life.

This is my life.

I kept saying the words over and over, and they still hurt like hell. I want to accept it. I want to be okay with it. But I'm not, and it's all so fucked up.

My mother's dead.

Phil is dead.

I'm dead.

Not in the actual sense, but my heart died that night.

I woke up in a sweat again after dreaming about the fire. Emmett wasn't there this time. I was glad because I didn't want him to see me like this after the good day he had. I barely spoke to anyone and yet somehow I found myself with 4 new friends. I don't deserve friends, but they found me nonetheless.

Alice is a little pixie ball of energy.

Rosalie is a beautifully aggressive, got your back kind of bitch, in the best way.

Jasper is calming. There's nothing else that could describe him as sufficiently.

Edward.

Edward.

I don't know.

People talk about what it means to have friends, and I know what to feel for a friend.

But Edward.

I don't know.

His voice.

His laugh.

His face.

I fell asleep again, but this time my dream was different.

My mom wasn't there.

I didn't hear Phil.

I just was.

--

**Thursday**

"Bella." Emmett voice sounded from my door.

"Ready." I said and grabbed my bag.

We made it to school before they did, so we sat in the truck bed for a while.

"How you doing?" Emmett asked. I shrugged.

"Okay, our new friends seem nice." I smiled to him. He got this dreamy look in his eyes, and I knew it was Rosalie induced. I hit his shoulder playfully. "Rosalie's a looker."

"Yeah," He said enthusiastically. "Not only that, but she loves cars. She even wants to work on this classic with me some weekend." He gestured to the truck. "And she's….well she's…." He sighed.

"Emmett Swan is in love, ladies and gentleman." I teased him. He laughed but shrugged.

"I just know we have something. She's amazing." He said. Just then, we heard a car pull up next to us. We saw Rosalie driving up in a red convertible BMW with Alice sitting shotgun. On the other side, we heard something else pull up. I turned and saw the two Ducatis pulling in.

_Is this what a heart attack feels like?_

Edward was, well, sexy. He had low-rise jeans that seemed to ride on his hips. And when he lifted off his helmet, his shirt rose allowing a little sliver of skin to show. The boy had muscles. He even had that v-line going into his jeans. He was wearing the same jacket as everyday, but with a green shirt that made his eyes look so good. I think my mouth went dry just looking at him. I looked up at his face and his eyes were on me. I looked down quickly with a new blush creeping up my cheeks.

"Hey guys." Alice said happily and went over to hug Jasper.

"Hey." Rosalie said to us, well Emmett mostly. She sat next to him in the cab, and they started to talk about what to do with the truck later. I tuned them out and stared at my lap. I felt a presence beside me and turned to see Edward next to me giving me a half smile.

"Bella." He said and sat next to me. The wind began to pick up and my hair started to fly around my face and fall out of my messy bun. Edward seemed to automatically reach over and put some hair behind my ear. I looked into his eyes and I felt this feeling pass between us and needed to get out.

"I have to go." I muttered and all but ran inside. I heard my brother saying something but I couldn't make it out.

--

I sat in class for a while before anyone else came in just thinking.

_This is why I don't get close to people. I freak them out because I am a freak. I'm an ugly freak. _

I didn't know I was crying until a tear hit my desk. Emmett sat next to me in class, but didn't say anything. He knew when I just needed time.

Class was slow and tedious because I knew all of this already. I was in all AP classes in Arizona, so it was just a big review for me. I wanted to hit my head on the wall repeatedly just to have some sort of excitement. I chickened out every time though.

"Bella," I turned while walking which was a bad idea. I tripped, waiting for the impact, and was thankfully caught. I looked up and tensed when I realized it was Edward. He let me go quickly. "Sorry." He said and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"Don't worry about it." I said looking at the ground.

"I'm also sorry about this morning. It was stupid of me. I just thought that……" He trailed off, but I didn't know what he was going to say. The warning bell rang, and we both said our goodbyes before going to our classes.

--

I was quiet all through lunch, but the table was full of chatter. Edward didn't sit with us. I don't even think he was there. I felt terrible because I knew I made him uncomfortable.

"Bella, what do you think?" Alice asked me.

"Huh?"

"Well, I was thinking we could all have a hang out party thing at my house Friday, all six of us."

"Um, I guess. I just have to talk to Charlie."

"Dad will be fine with it." Emmett said tearing his gaze away from Rosalie to smile at me. I gave a small smile back.

"Great!" Alice bounced in her seat and Jasper looked at her lovingly. I wish I could have someone who looked at me lovingly, but I was too disgusting. My good mood was immediately gone with those thoughts.

"Hey Alice?" I said hesitantly.

"Yeah."

"Is Edward sick?" I asked looking down.

"No, why?"

"Just wondering where he went, I saw him earlier." I whispered. They were quiet, so I looked up and saw Alice's nervous look.

"He had somewhere to be." She said cryptically and went back to planning tomorrow night.

--

**Friday**

"How about you guys just follow us to our house." Alice suggested as school finally let out.

"Yeah, that would be cool." Emmett said and gave a kiss on the cheek to Rosalie before he helped her into her car. "Bye, I'll miss you." He said sweetly. I just rolled my eyes.

"It'll be like 10 seconds." I yelled at him. He scowled at me, and she just giggled.

"I'll miss you too." Then she leaned in to whisper. "My big bear." He growled and I almost threw up right then.

I hurried over to the truck before my ears and eyes needed to be poked out. Edward was leaning against his bike when I came around the back of the truck. I stopped dead in my tracks, and he looked up. He smiled timidly, got on his bike, and left.

--

We followed them, and I gasped at the monster of a house they called home. It was incredible, and did I mention huge. I stepped out of the truck and found two of the most beautiful people ever. The man was tall, blonde, and looked really young. The other was a woman that looked that she came straight out of the forties and too young to have teenagers.

"Mom, Dad, this is Bella and Emmett." Alice said as we approached them. We walked over to them and Emmett held out his hand for them to shake.

"Emmett Swan and my twin sister Bella." He waved over to me. Carlisle shook his hand but Esme hugged him. He laughed at her loving nature, but I also saw the sadness. Loving and caring women made him miss mom.

"We've heard so much about you." Carlisle said kindly. He held out his hand for me, but I looked down at my feet ashamed. He smiled to say it was okay. Esme smiled as well and took his hand holding it at their sides.

"She's a bit shy." Emmett said to them. They just nodded and led the way into the house. I followed quietly and saw Edward was behind me.

"Hello." He whispered.

"Hi." I said quietly.

"Okay, we have pizza on the way and movies." Alice said happily. "We're going to watch some for a while then play it by ear." She plopped down on Jasper's lap after he sat on the couch.

"You kids have fun. Your mom and I will be out late, so behave. You do have the Chief's kids here and all." Carlisle laughed and helped Esme into her coat. Then they were gone.

"So, which movie first?" Alice asked as I sat on a recliner.

"We have pretty much every Baldwin brother movie imaginable." Rose said with a giggle. "Before they all got old and weird." Emmett laughed at her.

"Well let's see." Jasper said. "The usual suspects, Hunt for Red October, and Back draft."

"Back draft. Billy is totally the hottest." Alice said. The guys groaned and I tensed. Fire was not my favorite thing to have around, and a movie about it was not my idea of fun.

"No." I said quietly. Everyone looked at me and Emmett took the movie and put it away. He walked over to me put his hands on either side of my face and looked in my eyes.

"We won't." He said simply. I nodded and looked at my lap. He let go of my face. I felt like an idiot.

Everyone was quiet as Alice put in another movie. I looked up and saw that everyone had sad looks on their faces. I felt so guilty for ruining the fun. The doorbell rang and Edward went to get it.

"That will be $34.50." A voice said.

"Here. Keep the change."

"Thanks man." He walked back in with 4 boxes of pizza.

"Order's up." Edward smiled at me. I blushed but smiled back.

"Hell yeah, I'm starved." Emmett laughed. He winked at me and I relaxed. He always knew how to diffuse my stress and intense situations with his child like attitude.

--

We were into the second movie and I was curled up on the recliner. I felt a blanket being laid on me while I was resting my eyes. I looked up into the green eyes I couldn't get out of my head all week.

"You looked cold." He said softly. I nodded.

"Thank you." I said and snuggled deeper into the chair with the blanket. When the movie was over, Alice jumped from her seat and walked over to me.

"Make over time!" She clapped. Edward just groaned.

"Alice." He scolded her. "If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to." I gave him a thankful look but she wasn't done.

"But she's so pretty and I want to show her how to accentuate that." She whined.

"Alice, I really don't want to." I said.

"Nonsense." She pulled the blanket off me. "Come on Rose, let's get her all beautified." She said happily.

"No, please." I said as they stood in front of me.

"Bella, we're your friends. We just want you to have some fun." Rose said. I shook my head at them.

"Guys, just leave her." Emmett said in his big brother bear voice. They looked over at him and they seemed a bit upset that he used that voice with them.

"Emmett." Rosalie said sadly.

"No, Bella doesn't want to. She doesn't have to." He said firmly.

I felt horrible yet again.

"You know what guys, how about I go home. It seems at every turn I just make things awkward." I said standing up. "Emmett can you get a ride home tomorrow?" He nodded and handed me the keys. "I'm sorry, guys. You'll have a lot more fun without me." I told them as I passed them to get my bag.

"Bella, we're sorry." Alice said deflated.

"Yeah, just stay." Rosalie smiled at me.

"No, I knew this was a bad idea." I walked to the front door.

"Wait!" Edward said and ran to me, but I was already out the door.

"What?" I asked once I was in the darkness and hiding my tears.

"Why are you running away from us? We just want to be your friends." He said sadly.

"Why?" I said and my voice broke. "Why do you want to be my friends?" I threw my hands up in the air.

"Because we like you." He said and then raked his hand through his hair. "Because I like you." He said softly looking into my eyes. He took a step closer and I took a step back.

"No. I can't do this. I'll just hurt you. All of you." I turned and got into my truck. He grabbed the door to stop me and spun me around.

"I know you think you're fucked up or something. Hell we all are, but that's why we want you here. We want you to be with us." He yelled.

"HEY!" Emmett shouted from the porch.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly running his hands through his hair again. "I just wish you would let us in. Be our friend." Emmett was next to us by now.

"You okay?" He asked me. I nodded and got back into the truck.

"I'm sorry just have fun." I said and turned the key and drove off.

Edward wasn't having it and he climbed onto his bike and followed me. I drove for about ten minutes when I realized he wasn't giving up. I pulled over and jumped out.

"WHAT?!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I yelled at him. "You come into my life and demand answers. I don't even know you."

"Because you won't let me." He shouted back and stood with me behind my truck and in front of his motorcycle. I shook my head trying to fight off the tears. "I get it. You're scared. I know." He said softly and took a step towards me.

"You don't know anything." I whispered and my voice broke. "You can't just act like you know what I go through everyday. Do you even know why Emmett and I had to move here?" I said stepping closer to him with determination.

"Something about your mom." He said softly. I laughed one of those hysterical laughs.

"Yeah, something about my mom." I said back. I sighed and leaned against the back of my truck. "This is so confusing." I muttered to myself. He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Tell me about it." I looked up at him and he seemed just as broken as I was in that moment.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just know that I'm not a very good friend. I'm not even a good sister." I said with all honesty.

"Don't say that." He said softly reaching for my hand. I didn't pull away, which caused him to smile at our clasped hands. He ran his fingers over my gloved hand and I wished with all I had that I could feel his skin on mine.

"It's true. In the last six months, I have never seen my brother happier and it's not because of me." I said as he moved closer.

"From what I see, the bond you two have is one built on a great amount of love. He does what he can to take care of you. When you're happy he's happy."

"Yes, and when I'm sad he's sad. And I have been sad and angry and confused so much lately. I know I drain him and I just wish I could go away so he could be happy." I said as he stood directly in front of me. I cast my eyes down and he pulled at my chin to look at him.

"Going away is the last thing he would want. The last thing we all want." I looked into his eyes and saw sincerity. He seemed to like what he saw in my eyes because he smiled. "Now, let's go back. The girls will leave you alone. I'll make sure of it, but I think Emmett has your back too."

"Oh, I feel so bad about that." I mumbled.

"Don't feel bad. If they get pushy, just fight back. If you don't want to, just say no." I think he meant more than just the girls when he said that. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay."

"Great, follow me." He said giving my hand a light squeeze before letting go. He climbed onto his bike and I got into the truck to follow him back to his house. I rolled down my window as I heard his bike come even with my truck door.

"When you want someone else to talk to besides your brother, I'm here. It gets easier if you talk about it."

That night was a shift. I knew that. I had never felt this way before and I didn't know what to do. He was caring, understanding, and something told me he had some secrets of his own. I was also scared of what he would think of me. We still barely knew each other and the new Bella wasn't who she used to be. Not on the outside or the inside. I just hoped he would stick around after he found out all about me. I did know one thing for sure; I was falling for Edward Cullen, and hard.

**--**

**REVIEW!!**

**So, do you like the direction it's going?**

**I hope you guys like it.**

**I was also wondering if you liked me to alternate chapters. One Bella's POV and the next Edward's.**

**Just let me know. I aim to please.**


	5. Therapeutic

Scarred

Chapter 4

Therapeutic

Edward

The week went by fast, yet the days were so slow. Things with Bella were….. _interesting_. We barely spoke, but it felt like we didn't need words. One look from her and I would know how she felt, yet at the same time I couldn't understand her reactions. I had never felt so in tuned yet so completely off balance with anyone in my life.

After my talk with Carlisle, he set me up with a therapist friend of his in Port Angeles. I had meetings every Thursday, so I had to leave school early to make it there on time. I felt like a fucking failure being back here again, but after this morning's disaster I knew I needed something.

I thought I felt something with Bella, but when she ran away, I realized that maybe I was misunderstanding her signals. Not that she ever gave me any signals, but I thought she liked me, at least as a friend because I caught her staring at me many times. Alice and Rose told me that she was distant, but she seemed all right with me.

We talked a few times, but never anything too in depth. I knew something happened with their mother, that she died, but I didn't know what. I just hoped their story wasn't as fucked up as mine. Bella was too innocent to have endured anything close to what I have lived through.

"Edward?" My new doctor brought me out of my thoughts.

"Fuck." I said under my breath. "Coming." I said aloud and followed him into his office. I saw the normal set up. There was a couch and a chair with his desk in the corner. There's a table in the middle with a candy dish on top, lemonheads. I think I might like this fucker after all. I grabbed a handful and sunk into the couch, throwing some in my mouth in an attempt to delay the inevitable.

"So, Edward, Your father tells me you wanted to come back." He said matter of factly. "From your file it's been 6 years since you've been to therapy.

"Yeah," I say gesturing him to get to the point.

"Well, how about we start off with the easy stuff." I nod. "What have you been up to lately?" He asked. I snort at the ridiculous question.

"Well Doc, I've been good. My life was pretty much shit before it all hit the fan, and now I live the life of a fucking millionaire doctor's son. Sounds like the shit to me." The whole time I was rambling he was writing in this notebook and nodding. "Writing the future Mr. Brad Pitt over and over again Doc?" He looked up with a calm expression and smiled. I could tell he wasn't going to take my fucking deflections.

"So, do you like your adoptive parents?"

_Yeah, not heavy, right. _I shrug.

"Their good. Nice, everyday Suzie Homemaker for a mom and a doting dad. What's not to like?" He nods and writes more shit.

"Anything else, maybe what prompted you to come back? I saw that you were only 12 the last time you were here. Obviously a lot has changed, but why come back now?"

I avoided his question by grabbing another handful of lemonheads and shoving them in my mouth. He just sat there quietly waiting for my answer. I sighed and decided to just fuck it.

"I want to.." I pause. "get better. I feel like I'll end up just like him."

"Your biological father, Edward Masen Sr." When he said his name, I winced from the physical pain that it caused in my chest.

"Fuck Doc, a warning next time would be nice." I glared at him. He just shrugged.

"You said you wanted to get better and avoidance of the real issue won't help." He states and writes on that mother-fucking piece of shit steno notepad again.

"That man isn't something I wanted to dwell on. He fucked up, and then he fucked me up. Christ, I still have nightmares every night of what that son of a bitch did." I crossed my arms over my chest defensively.

"Really? Every night since it happened?" He questioned.

"Mostly, some nights the scenario is a bit different but it always has the same outcome." I shrugged my shoulders, but I was so tense that I was going to be sore tomorrow.

"What changed?"

"Can we talk more about my avoidance issues?" I smirk.

"Ha, Mr. Cullen. Very funny, avoiding the issue by talking about avoidance." He shook his head and laughed lightly.

"Edward." I corrected him.

"Does that bother you, having your adoptive father's name." He asked as he quirked his eyebrows.

"It wasn't his idea to give me his name." I growl. I closed my eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Too fucking deep doc, let's back this train up a bit."

"Ok, what ever you think would be best for now. So, what in the last month has been affecting you most?" I think and automatically see the most beautiful deep brown pools.

"Bella." I whisper to myself.

"Pardon?" He questioned.

"Some new kids at school." I shrugged feigning indifference, just glad we had moved on to a different point.

"How has that affected you?" He asked seeming to be of peaked interest.

"Their twins, a guy and a girl. They seem to have shit going on with them too, and it feels like they need friends." I pause and he doesn't talk so I continue. "The guy seems okay, a bit sad sometimes but over all normal. The girl though, I don't know."

"Girl?" He asked seeming like a 14-year-old girl at the gossip mill.

"Yes, she never takes her eyes off the ground and barely talks to people. I don't know; she's just different. Not in a bad way, just different."

"Okay, what draws you to them other than they seem to have stuff going on?"

"I don't know." I mumble.

"Edward, I know that there's more to this than you might be letting on." He said and wrote more shit down.

"Fine, you want to know. The girl is fucking broken. She needs someone to fix her and I need to be that person for her. Only, I'm fucked up and broken too. I need to be fixed for her." I said and raised my voice as I went. I realized it was true as soon as all of it came out. "Shit!" I said and started to pace.

"Edward, this girl seems to be very special and you've only known her for how long?" He questions.

"About 4 days." I mumble and sink back into the couch.

"It seems a bit sudden to feel these things."

"Tell me about it." I snorted and rubbed my hands over my face. "I'm going to be honest with you doc; I'm not one for romancing a girl. I get what I need when I need it, but with her it's like nothing before." I don't even understand it. I feel like I can barely breath when she's close but at the same time my body has never felt more alive. I shook my head at my words and thoughts.

"And she's the reason you're here now." He stated.

I sank further into the couch.

"Bella." He said with a slight smile. Fucker heard me.

--

"I'm home." I yelled into the house, only Jasper and Alice were home and I do not want a repeat encounter of him sliding into third on the couch.

"In here." Alice yelled from the living room. I walked in to find her lying with her head in his lap and him absently stroking her hair as they watched a rerun of Maury. It was a simple gesture but one I never really fully noticed until now. I could still feel Bella's silky strands between my fingers.

"Who needs that shit when you could just sit in on my session?" I laughed and Alice looked up at me with a smile.

"Really, we could get the fucker who inseminated the whore who carried me for nine months too, then we'd have a party. We could take up a whole week on Dr. Phil with our shit." Alice said. We both laughed, and Jasper could tell we just used it to deal.

"What happened after I left?" I asked as I laid back in my favorite chair.

"Not much. We're having a sleep over tomorrow with Bella and Emmett."

"Well, shit Ali. You know how to grab a guy's attention." Jasper laughed as I snapped to attention at Bella's name. I threw a magazine at his head, but he caught it.

"Fucker." I growl at him.

"Language!" Esme snapped as she walked into the door.

"Sorry mom." I mumbled. She smiled and leaned over to kiss my forehead. It was strange how much I felt like she was always meant to be my mother. I knew my birth mother, but Esme made me feel like I had always been hers.

"No problem honey." She walked over to Alice and gave her a quick peck and then Jasper. The woman was like a mother hen; hell, even Rosalie called her mom.

"How was school?" She questioned all of us as she went through the mail on the end table.

"Great, Bella and Emmett said yes to tomorrow." Alice said excitedly.

"Good, nice to know you're all making them feel welcome." She smiled.

"Some more than others." Jasper muttered under his breath, but since Esme was standing right there she heard.

"Jasper Hale, what is that supposed to mean?" She put her hands on her hips and smiled. She gave me a sideways glance and smirked. Jasper got a smack on the back of the head from Alice.

"Rosalie seems to have a bit of a soft spot for Emmett." He said. I breathed out but the damage was done.

"Bella sounds very nice as well." She said, glanced up at me, and then immediately left to start dinner in the kitchen without letting me respond.

"Our mother's a psychic." Alice smiled.

"No," I laughed. "Just perceptive."

--

On Friday, school couldn't end fast enough. Bella and I only did the occasionally talking because it was a bit awkward after yesterday morning. Everything about her just drew me in. The previous day the wind picked up, blowing her hair, and her delicious scent put me in a daze. My hand acted of its own accord and put the stray strands behind her ear. This was apparently the wrong impulse to act on because she ran off, literally.

As she left, Emmett said something about her being shy, but I was fucking tired of that excuse. It's one thing to be shy around new people. It is entirely different to shutter away every time someone tries to touch her. Maybe her dad told her about the shit I've gone through, but then she would just stay away from me. She wouldn't give me those looks and stare at me if she knew my truth, so why does she only run away when I try to touch her?

School was boring as fuck. The only thing I could think about was having Bella coming over. She seemed to be a bit curious about me with her sideways glances, but never said much. And finally school was out. I was getting ready to climb on my bike and head home when they all came outside.

Rosalie and Emmett seemed to be a bit more into each other than we all really knew. Alice was a bit too excited for this whole thing and Jasper was trying to calm her down. And Bella was... the same. Head down, shoulders slumped, and everything about her screamed defensive. When she came around their truck, I gave her a small smile before taking off.

I was putting my baby under the tarp when the rest of the guys showed up. And like a fucking Hallmark card Carlisle and Esme were on the porch waiting for the new arrivals. I sat back and watched before going in.

Alice introduced them all and Emmett got the usual welcoming out of the way. Bella pulled away yet again. Carlisle seemed to understand and so did Esme. They began to walk in, so I followed. I walked in behind her, and when she noticed me I gave her a small hello, which she returned much to my surprise.

The rest of the night was interesting to say the least. Bella didn't want to watch a particular movie for some reason and Emmett fully understood why. The rest of us all sensed something was very wrong, but we all kept quiet as Alice put in another movie.

Then it happened.

"Make over time!" Alice clapped. Oh shit! Bella doesn't even like looking people in the eye; she was going to hate this.

"Alice." I said to make her stop knowing she wouldn't. "If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to." Bell looked at me gratefully and I think I about melted from her gaze. Alice broke through our moment.

"But she's so pretty and I want to show her how to accentuate that." If she didn't have good intentions I would have yelled.

"Alice, I really don't want to." Bella said without much conviction. I really wanted to see her stick up for herself more.

"Nonsense." Alice said and ripped off the blanket I had just given her. "Come on Rose, let's get her all beautified." Great now she's recruiting the Barbie firing squad.

"No, please." Bella tried to say as the stood over her. A tactic for them no doubt.

"Bella, we're your friends. We just want you to have some fun." Rosalie said and Bell just shook her head. I wondered why she said no. Why was it such a big deal? It was just some make up and maybe clothes. It didn't make any sense of why she was so adamant. Why was she so shy?

"Guys, just leave her." Emmett said in a commanding voice. We all looked at him and was shocked to hear the tone he used. I think we were seeing big brother in his element. Standing up for her is his baby sister is the one thing he knows he's good at.

"Emmett." Rosalie seemed shocked. But hell, he's known us five days and Bella since conception. What did they expect?

"No, Bella doesn't want to. She doesn't have to." He said firmly.

Bella seemed sick of all this.

"You know what guys, how about I go home. It seems at every turn I just make things awkward." She said standing up. I knew I needed to stop her. "Emmett can you get a ride home tomorrow? I'm sorry, guys. You'll have a lot more fun without me."

"Bella, we're sorry." Alice said deflated.

"Yeah, just stay." Rosalie smiled.

"No, I knew this was a bad idea." She was about to walk away. I had to stop her. I needed her to see that we all wanted her here.

"Wait!" I ran after her, but she didn't stop.

"What?" She said once we were by the truck. I could barely make out her pale face in the moonlight but I could tell she had tears, even in her voice.

"Why are you running away from us? We just want to be your friends." I admitted.

"Why?" Her voice was breaking and I felt my heart constrict at the tone in her voice. "Why do you want to be my friends?" She waved her hands up in defeat.

"Because we like you." I said. "Because I like you." Admitting is the first step right? I took a step closer, but when she took a step back, I stopped.

"No. I can't do this. I'll just hurt you. All of you." What? How can she say that? All of it was too much.

"I know you think you're fucked up or something. Hell we all are, but that's why we want you here. We want you to be with us." I yelled, but in the back of my mind I knew that wasn't good. This is how it started. The yelling, then the hurting. I internally berated myself for doing that. I would not end up like _him_.

"HEY!" Emmett shouted from the porch.

"I'm sorry." I ran my hands through my hair to relieve the stress. "I just wish you would let us in. Be our friend."

"You okay?" Emmett said from next to us. She nodded and got into her truck.

"I'm sorry just have fun." She said to him. I felt like a fucking fool, but I had to follow her. She couldn't run anymore. I wouldn't let her. I knew she was fighting only because she thought it was right. I knew I would do the same thing, but everything seemed different with her. I needed her to be okay. Even if it meant she hated me later.

I climbed onto my bike and followed her for a while before she stopped. I turned off my bike and walked over to the back of her truck to meet her.

"WHAT?!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" She demanded. "You come into my life and demand answers. I don't even know you." No, I don't. But I want to know you and you won't let me. I said in my head.

"Because you won't let me." I shouted back and stood with her. She shook her head and seemed to be fighting something inside her. "I get it. You're scared. I know." I lowered my voice and took a step towards her.

"You don't know anything." Her voice breaking on the words. "You can't just act like you know what I go through everyday. Do you even know why Emmett and I had to move here?" She took a step towards me and I welcomed it.

"Something about your mom." That's all I really knew. People in this town had plenty of theories, but nothing for sure.

"Yeah, something about my mom." She sighed sadly. "This is so confusing." She said and I don't thing I was supposed to hear it, but I did, and completely agreed.

"Tell me about it." I told her honestly, feeling vulnerable under her stare.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just know that I'm not a very good friend. I'm not even a good sister."

"Don't say that." I said softly reaching for her hand. She didn't pull away and I did a little happy dance inside. I smiled at the sight. I ran my fingers over her gloves, still curious as to why she always needs them.

"It's true. In the last six months, I have never seen my brother happier and it's not because of me." I moved closer to her as if I couldn't control myself.

"From what I see, the bond you two have is one built on a great amount of love. He does what he can to take care of you. When you're happy he's happy." I said in all honesty.

"Yes, and when I'm sad he's sad. And I have been sad and angry and confused so much lately. I know I drain him and I just wish I could go away so he could be happy." How could she think so little of herself? It's the last thing any of us would ever want. She needs someone to make her feel worth it. And dammit, it's going to be me.

"Going away is the last thing he would want. The last thing we all want." She looked up into my eyes, and I saw all the sadness but some of it seemed to melt away. Not all but some. "Now, let's go back. The girls will leave you alone. I'll make sure of it, but I think Emmett has your back too."

"Oh, I feel so bad about that."

"Don't feel bad. If they get pushy, just fight back. If you don't want to, just say no." She knew I meant for all things in her life. She needed to be able to see herself as the amazing person she was.

"Okay."

"Great, follow me." I said giving her hand a light squeeze before letting go. I climbed onto my bike, and she got into the truck to follow me back to his house. I had something else I needed to say, and I hoped she would take me up on it.

"When you want someone else to talk to besides your brother, I'm here. It gets easier if you talk about it." She smiled and nodded with a small blush. God, she doesn't even try and it drives me crazy.

When we got back she seemed better. The girls left her alone about the make over, and seemed really sorry. Every once in a while we would steal quick glances at each other and smile. I felt better than I had in years. After awhile we, and when I say we I mean Alice, decided to play truth or dare.

"Okay, truth or dare time. Rules are if you decide to not answer a question you can use a chicken, but only once in the whole game, and if you refuse a dare only one chicken. Also, no weird homoerotic stuff, like no boys kissing boys or girls kissing girls." She smiled. "Let's play."

"I'll go first." Rose said. "Emmett, truth or dare?"

"Truth." He smiled at her, and she smirked. Fucker doesn't know what he's asking for.

"When did you lose your virginity?" She smiled and Bella almost choked on her drink.

"Ew." She whispered and since I was right next to her I heard. I nudged her arm and smiled. She returned it but grimaced when he answered.

"15, my first girlfriend Rebecca. Her parents were out of town for a weekend and we just decided to get it over with." He shrugged.

"Rebecca." Bella shivered in disgust and Emmett laughed.

"Sorry little sis. I know she was your friend, but the chick was hot." He laughed loudly as she threw her empty cup at him.

"Ok, My turn. Eddie?" Emmett said.

"Edward." I said stiffly back. I hated when fuckers called me Eddie.

"Ed-ward." He said like a fucking four year old learning a new word.

"I guess truth." I shrugged.

"Why did my dad tell me to keep an eye on you?" He said and crossed arms over his chest.

"I guess because I get in trouble a lot. Your dad's caught me and Jazz on a lot of shit." I shrugged but inside I was hoping Bella was okay with this. I looked over at her and she was scowling at Emmett.

"When did he say that?" She demanded in a voice I hadn't heard before.

"When I asked him about coming here, he said to be careful." He shrugged and gave her a weird look. She backed off.

"Ok, Alice. Truth or dare." I said to my sister who started this shit.

"Truth." She smiled.

"Well, how about what is the most awful thing you have ever done to another person?" I asked knowing the answer already.

"Well, Eddie." She scowled. "When I was sixteen and before Jazz and I dated, I was seeing this one guy from a group I was in. His name was James and he was a cheating man whore who liked to get some in the back seat of his classic 67-mustang convertible. One night I saw him with this skank Victoria in the backseat of his car and when they were about to cum. I saw a fertilizer truck and it was conveniently behind them. I pushed down the gate and it all came down in the back of his car on top of them." She laughed and so did Jasper. He's had a thing for her since he met her, but she didn't see it until some time later. James was a dickhead. "He deserved it though." We all had a good laugh with that story. "Ok my turn. Bella?"

"Um, I guess truth." She said quietly playing with her hands in her lap.

"Who was your first boyfriend?" She seemed to sense how uncomfortable Bella was with all of this, so she went for an easy question. I tensed waiting for the answer. Jealousy was never something I felt with girls, but she was making me feel all kinds of new things.

"Never had one." She said with a blush and looked over to me. I felt oddly relieved that she was never with anyone. Like if she ever were truly mine, I would be the only one who could say she was. Fuck, I need a drink.

"What?!?" Alice screeched.

"Look, who my brother is. If a guy even attempted to ask me out, he scared them off." She said with a smile at her brother.

"Emmett that hardly seems fair. You lost your virginity at 15, yet your sister hasn't even had a boyfriend." Rosalie said to him with a bit of a smile.

"Hey, it's not my fault they were all pussies." He said and laughed.

"Rosalie, truth or dare?" Bella asked.

"Dare, all you guys are chicken." She laughed.

"I dare you to," She thought about it and I leaned over and whispered.

"Dare her to go without make up all day tomorrow." She laughed and nodded.

"Go without make up all day tomorrow." Jasper and I laughed hard at that, but Rosalie just huffed and crossed her arms.

"Or not. I'm sorry." Bella said quickly. I sighed. She needs to get a backbone. I think I need to help her out with that.

"No, I never back down from a dare. Starting at midnight or when I wake up?"

"Wake up?" Bella said but it was more like a question. Rosalie nodded and smiled at her, then scowled at me knowing I was the culprit.

"Jasper, truth or dare?" She directed her evil glare at him for laughing. Emmett took her hand in his and she seemed to relax instantly.

"Truth."

"How long have you been in love with Alice?" She smiled and all the color drained from his face. That was one thing he never told her. He never told her how long he'd been in love with her.

"Jazz." Alice said and touched her hand to his forehead.

"Sorry, um." He looked at Alice and took a deep breath. "Since I met her." He sighed. Poor fucker.

"What?" She whispered and he nodded. She took his hand and kissed his palm.

"Me too." He jerked his head up to look at her.

"Really?" She nodded and kissed him.

"GET A ROOM!" I yelled. Alice giggled and we went back to the game.

"Rosalie's turn." Jasper said with a wicked smile.

_UH OH_

"Truth." She sighed.

"Where is the craziest place you have ever had sex?" He smirked triumphantly. Rosalie didn't back down though.

"Crazy? Hmmm." She paused concentrating. "The auto shop at school." She smiled and Jasper and I gagged and Emmett shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "The teacher's supped up hemi charger. He was having the class look at it for the week. So, I took advantage of it." She shrugged. She looked around and landed on Alice. "Truth or dare."

"Dare." She sighed.

"I dare you to go without make up tomorrow too." She laughed at Alice's expression. It was one of pure horror. I had to laugh a bit too. She glared at me.

"Fine. Edward truth or dare." I stopped laughing. Pixie was evil. I looked over to Bella and figured to dare. Why not?

"Dare."

"I dare you to spend seven minutes in heaven with Bella." I choked on my own spit. Alice smiled and Bella blushed.

"HELL NO!" Emmett bellowed.

"Chicken." Alice said and started to make those ridiculous chicken noises.

"No, just don't want to make Bella uncomfortable." I looked over to Bella and she was smiling.

"Chicken." I said but Bella instantly looked hurt. I couldn't think about it before Alice started in again.

"Now you have to do a truth. One or the other." I glared at her. "Edward, what really happened to Carlisle's Mercedes?" She laughed already knowing the answer.

"Shit." I mumbled and looked around the room. Alice was the only one who knew the truth. "I might have……sort of……" I sighed. "drove drunk." Bella's head snapped to me. Fuck! "Thanks Ali." I glared at her.

"No problem little brother."

"Truth or dare." I said back to her. It was war.

"Truth." She said hesitantly.

"When did you lose your virginity?" I smiled and she scowled. She never said Jazz was her first but never otherwise either. James was a prick but she had suggested maybe it was because she wouldn't give him what he wanted but I knew she wasn't a virgin with Jasper.

"Jasper, Let's go upstairs and talk about this." She sighed and he looked at me pleading. I almost felt bad, but when Bella's face came into my mind after I said I drove drunk I didn't. He nodded and took her hand.

"Edward Anthony, I will get you back." She glared.

"All's fair in love and war sweetie." I yelled as she went up the stairs with Jasper.

"So, Emmett and I are going to take advantage of the Cullen heated pool." Rosalie said and took Emmett's hand. He gave Bella a look and then one to me. I wasn't scared though. I've dealt with fuckers bigger them him. The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

"So, how do you think you're going to hurt me?" I said awkwardly.

**--**

**REVIEW!!**

**Thank you to my beta. I know you're busy, but still did this for me. THANK YOU!!!**

**Therapy, sleepover, truth or dare. Packed Chapter.**

**I'm also sick, blah. Flu breakout. Not Fun!**

**The next chapter will continue their conversation.**

**Until next time,**

**Courthale**

**Also I am working on redoing F&H and reposting it over at twilighted. I'll let you guys know when. I'm working with a beta over there and she said she was a detail whore. LOL**


	6. The many faces of Bella

**Little error in the last chapter guys, in the part where the doctor calls him Mr. Cullen and he says Edward, The doctor is supposed to say,**

"That part doesn't bother you. Having your birth father's name." He said and quirked his eyebrows at me.

"It wasn't his idea to give me his name." I growled. I closed my eyes tight and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Too fucking deep doc, let's back this train up a bit."

**Little error that will make a difference later, Sorry about that. **

**Onwards!**

Scarred

Chapter 5

The many faces of Bella

"So, how do you think you're going to hurt me?" He said awkwardly.

"Huh?" I fidgeted feeling even more awkward.

"Before, when you said that you would only hurt me. I wanted to know how."

"Um, I didn't really…uh…it's just that…" I said and played with my hands in my lap.

"Fine." He huffed like an indignant child. It was actually kind of cute. "I need something to drink." He said, and I followed because I didn't want to be alone.

We got to the kitchen where he pulled out a key and opened a cabinet. He bent down to pull something out. It was alcohol. I noticed a long scar on his back where his shirt lifted.

"Want anything?" He asked me holding the door open. I shook my head, and he shrugged. "Your loss." He mumbled.

"How would not getting shit faced be a loss?" I asked him seriously, surprised at my brazenness that I seem to have with him. He took out a bottle of something clear and then shut and locked the door. I acted like he was ignoring me, then I heard him.

"There's not enough here to get me shit-faced." He said to me sitting the bottle on the counter and getting a glass. The whole time I was thinking he couldn't be seriously using that as an argument.

"Why don't you let go just a little?" He met my eyes long enough for me to see the pleading in his before I gazed down at the nice tile flooring.

"Because." I said childishly and his smile grew. I could see his beautiful white teeth and suddenly he burst into laughter.

"I didn't realize we could use 1st grade arguments, Bella." He said as he took another shot. I laughed sarcastically at him and it only seemed to fuel the fire.

"Shut up jackass." I muttered and crossed my arms over my chest. He seemed to be loosening up a bit and his mouth filtered less and less.

"What's with the gloves?" He asked and took a long swig from the actual bottle.

Uh Oh. I didn't like drunk Edward.

"What's with the scar on your back?" I snapped. His smile fell.

"I'm going out to the pool house." He grumbled and got up to walk away, then stopped at the doorway. "Are you coming?" He asked in a duh tone.

"Fine." I said and grabbed my jacket.

He carried his bottle of whatever it was as we walked to the double doors at the back of the house. When he opened them, the blue reflection of the pool was shining all over the place. I could hear Rosalie and Emmett in the pool.

"Hey, sis." Emmett said in a worried tone. I followed his eye line to the bottle in Edward's hands.

"Hey." I said back and looked over at Rose. She was in a red bikini standing next to him.

I felt a twinge of sadness of the memories of when I could wear a bikini. Those days were long gone. She waved and smiled. I gave her a half hearted smile and wave.

"What are you two doing?" He asked looking at Edward who took a swig from the bottle.

"Drinking, drugs, and unprotected sex." He answered with a shrug.

I stepped in front of Edward as Emmett got out of the pool faster than I thought he could. I looked at Emmett. Emmett had a look of murder on his face, but Edward was turned around trying to open the pool house doors. I held up my hands when Emmett tried to walk past me to get to Edward.

"Emmett, he's drunk. Nothing has happened, nor will it." I locked eyes with him for several seconds. He looked past me at Edward who was leaning against the doorframe waiting for me. Thankfully, he didn't seem to have anything else to say to provoke Emmett. "I got this brother bear."

He grumbled, but looked back at Rosalie who was resting half out of the water at the edge of the pool. Rosalie broke the tension by yelling to Emmett.

"Hey Emmett, how about Edward and Bella get in and we play chicken?" She said with a smile, but that only made him wince knowing I would never get in a swimsuit. She noticed. "Or not." She said quietly. Comforting her distracted him enough for me to walk over to Edward in the pool house.

"What the hell was that?!?" I asked him loudly.

"It's not my fault he can't take a joke." He said and plopped down on one of the couches.

I looked around and saw this was more of a game room. It had a small kitchen and one bedroom along with a bathroom. It was nicer than some homes. There was a pool table and some arcade games and a huge flat screen with a bunch of consoles and a mountain of games and DVD's on a few shelves.

"Wow!" I said while looking around.

"This is my haven Bella angel." He slurred. I stopped in my tracks and turned towards him. He was already halfway through the bottle and looked at me through half closed eyes.

"You're drunk." I said with a slight smile. He smiled back lazily.

"A little." He said and held up two fingers indicated a small amount.

"Let me see." I said and reached for the bottle. He thought I was going to drink it but I just wanted it away from him.

"Bella wants a shot." He held it out to me and I took it. "Anyone ever come up with funky nicknames for you? Like Jingles Bells or Bells and Whistles? Or when you're mad like a little kitten, Hells Bells?"

I walked into the kitchen and while he was humming a rendition of 'Hells Bells.' I poured the contents of the bottle down the sink and replaced it with water. It looked about the same, so I assumed he was drunk enough to believe it. I didn't want him getting alcohol poisoning on my watch.

"Here." I said to him as I handed it back.

"Thanks." He grumbled.

I sat on the other couch and watched him as he watched me. He finally spoke.

"I feel like you're hiding something." He said suspiciously.

"Oh?" Was all I said.

"Yep." He said and kicked off his shoes. "I think you like me." He said with a smile as he laid down across the couch.

"Cocky bastard." I mumbled and shook my head looking at my shoes to hopefully hide the blush that spread over my entire body.

He didn't reply, so I looked up. He was fast asleep on the couch.

I sighed.

I grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch he was on and put it over him. I sat on the coffee table in front of him and watched his peaceful, beautiful face. His lips were parted slightly and I could here his soft snores. A piece of hair fell down into his face. My hand automatically reached for it to push it back. I took off my glove for a second to feel how silky it was. He nuzzled into my palm and sighed.

"So beautiful." He whispered. I jerked my hand back and felt the hot tears prick my eyes as I put my glove back on. He was dreaming about someone else. He could never think of me as beautiful.

But he was definitely beautiful.

Misguided but beautiful.

--

I woke up in the bedroom of the pool house to some clanging noises. I slept in here not really knowing where else to sleep and didn't want to leave Edward completely alone. I heard it again and got out of bed and sneaking a look at the clock.

11:30.

Well, might as well get up. I got out of bed and trudged my way down the hall and stopped in my tracks at the sight before me.

Edward.

No shirt.

No pants.

Only boxers.

Messy sex hair.

GORGEOUS.

I choked on my own spit at the hot vision in front of me. I was coughing and he turned around quickly and put a hand to his chest.

"Shit!" He whispered forcefully. "You scared me."

"Sorry." I said quietly and bit my lip looking at my feet with a new blush rising up my cheeks. He sighed.

"Sorry, I have a wicked hangover and I'm always really irritable in the mornings." He gave me a sheepish smile before going back into the fridge of the small kitchen.

"What do you need?" I asked him and sat on a bar stool trying to look anywhere but his sculpted muscular back as he bent over.

"I wanted to find some stuff for my homemade hangover cure but it looks like I'll have to go over to the main house." He said and turned back to me.

He had amazing muscles that seemed to shine with a bit of sweat. He didn't have a six-pack, no. He had a fucking eight pack and the v line that disappeared into his boxers. His pecs weren't protruding but defined and glorious. His arms were well defined as well and seemed to flex with every small movement.

"Bella?" He said with a smile in his voice. I looked up and saw his green eyes glint with amusement. "Are you done ravaging me with your eyes?" He chuckled.

"Well, when someone is pretty much naked in front of you, it's difficult to look at anything else." I quipped back.

"We could even the playing field." He smiled.

"How?" I said curious.

"You could get naked." He gave me that dazzling smile with all his teeth. I laughed sarcastically.

"Let's go tell Emmett that. I'm sure he would appreciate it." I said standing. He shrugged.

"He doesn't scare me." He said cockily.

"No? So it wasn't just liquid courage last night?" I quirked my head to the side in a questioning manner. He shook his head.

"Nope." He said popping the p.

"Well, that's a first." I mumbled to myself. Every guy I had ever known was afraid of Emmett. This could be interesting, a guy not afraid of my brother.

"Is that rare?" He questioned and walked into the living room. He slipped on his shirt and waited for my response.

"Very." I answered honestly.

"Hmm." He hummed curiously as he put on his jeans. When he finished, he threw his bottle away, and he turned to me. "I don't remember much, but I knew it was water." He smiled and walked to the door with me following.

"I couldn't very well have my host for the evening dying of alcohol poisoning. How would I get home?" I teased him as we walk to the double doors of the main house. Everyone was already up and sitting on the couches watching TV. They all looked up when we came in. We froze at the accusatory glances from everyone.

"What?" Edward growled.

"Where were you?" Alice asked crossing her arms across her chest.

"Pool house." I answered with a look to Emmett. He was glaring at Edward and I was happy Edward wasn't afraid of him. "Game room." I said and Emmett's ears perked up.

"Game what?" He asked. I let out a small laugh.

"Game room. Or more like game _haven._" I said punctuating the word haven. Edward acted like nothing so I figured he was too out of it to remember.

"Well, what the hell are we watching TV for?" He inquired and they all looked at him, then each other and shrugged.

"Let's go." Jasper said.

They all shuffled out the door and just as they all passed Edward put out his hand palm up behind his back to where I was standing. I gave him a five in victory of them leaving us alone.

For now.

--

"Thanks for coming guys." Alice said happily as Emmett and I got ready to leave. We would stay longer, but I had a consultation with my new doctor. I still had some surgeries to go through before I could heal properly.

"Thanks for having us over." Emmett said in his booming happy voice. "It was fun." He admitted hugging Alice before hugging and giving a gentle kiss to Rosalie.

"Yeah." I admitted in my small voice. Brazen Bella was back in her cage for now. She only seemed to really come out when in his presence.

"I guess we'll see you guys on Monday?" Jasper said as he carried my bag to the truck. Gentleman.

"Of course." Emmett nodded shaking his hand.

"Thank you Jasper." I said with a smile, which he returned.

"See you kids later." Carlisle said from the garage. "I'll be back by 6." He said and kissed Esme on the cheek before getting into his car. We all waved and went back to our own goodbyes.

"Thank you so much Mrs. Cullen." I told her truthfully and she gave me an affectionate smile.

"You're welcome, and please call me Esme." She responded with a nod. I smiled back.

"Will do." I said back. I was about to get into the passenger side when I heard his voice right behind me.

"Where's the feisty Bella from last night?" He asked as his breath spread over my exposed neck. I shivered but not from the cold.

"She's right here. I think the jackass in you brings her out to play." I answered back. He laughed darkly and opened the door for me.

"The jackass with a body ravaged by Naughty Bella's eyes." He said in a sarcastic hurt tone and I blushed climbing into my seat. He walked but not before saying. "Bells and Whistles." And letting out a small whistle.

--

"So, did you have fun?" Emmett asked as we walked through the front doors of Forks Hospital. I nodded.

"Yeah, surprisingly, yes."

"Good." He said and put his arm around my shoulders and held me to his side. He was the only person I didn't flinch away from. He was just my brother and I loved him so much.

"I love you Em." I said with sincerity. He stopped walking and turned me to him.

"I love you too Bells." He pulled me into a hug as we stood. We may be gaining friends, but for now we are all each other has. He was my brother and I couldn't have asked for a better one.

"Can I help you?" I heard to my right and turned to see a small blonde woman at the reception desk. We pulled apart and smiled at her.

"I'm here to see the reconstructive surgeon." I told her and she smiled.

"I'll page him." She said and then picked up the phone beside her. What she said next surprised the hell out of me. "Dr. Cullen to E.R. reception desk. Dr. Cullen to E.R. reception desk." Her voice rang over the intercom system of the hospital. I looked over to Emmett who had the same look of confusion on his features.

"How the hell did we not know it was their dad?" I asked quietly as we went to sit in the plastic chairs of the waiting room. He shrugged and smiled pointing to my right. There he was in all his blonde glory.

"Dr. Cullen." I said and stood to greet him. He looked at me in confusion and then realization dawned on his features.

"My new patient." He smiled kindly. I nodded. "Well, what a pleasant surprise. I knew I read your file, but I didn't put the two together I guess. Let's go to my office shall we?" I nodded and grabbed Emmett's hand to tug him along.

We walked to a set of elevators and he pushed the arrow going up.

"I'm on the second floor. My office number is 206. When you have an appointment in the future, just come on up." He said.

"We will." I said and let go of Emmett's hand.

"How are you liking Forks so far?" He asked me. Not ignoring Emmett, just trying to break me from my shell. The doors opened and we stepped in.

"It's good. Not Phoenix, but good." I answered honestly.

"We have some great new friends." Emmett grinned.

"I heard." Dr. Cullen chuckled as the doors opened and we walked out. We walked down the hall a bit until we got to a door with the words, 'Dr. Carlisle Cullen' on it. He opened the door and a small desk sat there with a friendly looking older lady.

"Hello." She said and stood. "You must be Dr. Cullen's new patient." She smiled picking up a stack of papers. He took them and led us to a door on the far wall behind her desk.

"Hello Maggie. Hold my calls." He said warmly and she nodded giving a small smile our way.

"Nice to meet you….." She trailed off.

"Bella." I finished. "And this is my brother Emmett." I pointed to him standing behind me.

"Bella and Emmett Swan?" We nodded. "I will probably see you often. I hope to get to know you better. You know I've known your father since he was a teenager." She laughed. "Such an interesting boy." She shook her head. "And your mother." We both froze. It never really occurred to us that some might remember and speak to us about her.

"It was nice to meet you." Emmett said quickly and ushered me into Dr. Cullen's main office. He knew I would most likely have a panic attack if we talked too much about her. Dr. Cullen shut the door behind us and cleared his throat.

"Take a seat please." He said and gestured to the two chairs in front of his big mahogany desk. We sat down as he sat in his big leather chair on the other side. He picked up a file and opened it. "Bella, how are you feeling since your last appointment with your other doctor?" He asked looking me in the eyes.

"It still hurts when pressure is put on it, but it mostly just looks bad now." I said looking at my glove hands in my lap.

"Okay, hopefully I can help with that." He smiled that warm smile I was really beginning to like.

"Yes, hopefully." I whispered and nodded. Emmett reached for my hand and held it for a few minutes.

We talked a bit more about my last six months. I really liked him more than my old doctor. He seemed to not only be one of the best, but so compassionate and caring.

"Now I was hoping maybe I could see some of the affected areas." He said seeming to give me a choice to say no. But he was my doctor and he needed to see them.

"Before I show you, can I just ask you a favor?" I said quietly looking at him.

"Yes, of course."

"Can you not tell Edward and Alice or the others?"

"Of course I won't. It is our choice when and if you tell them. And I am morally obligated as your doctor not to tell them." He said just as softly. "Now let's got to the exam room across the hall and you can change into a gown." He said standing and walking to the door. I followed him across the hall. He handed me a hospital gown and said he and Emmett would be jus outside the door. "And you can leave on undergarments." He added and closed the door.

I took a few deep breaths and started with my gloves. Still taking deep breaths, I removed my hoodie and folded it in the chair in the corner. I felt the panic rise when I went for the button of my pants, but squashed it with needing to get better and Dr. Cullen could help. I quickly shed my jeans and pulled off my long sleeved shirt. I stood there in my tank top and underwear. I took one last deep breath and felt a tear fall down my cheek as I removed the tank top. I was left standing in my bra and panties. I put on the paper gown and sat atop the exam table.

"Ready?" Dr. Cullen said from the other side of the door.

"Yes." I croaked and shivered from the tears slowly escaping my eyes.

It was always difficult for a new person to see my scars. They were so disgusting that I just wanted to die sometimes. Emmett was the only one who saw them because of his helping me so much the last six months and my last doctor and a few nurses.

They walked in and Emmett saw my face. He came to me and put his hands on either side of my face.

"Breath Bells." He said softly and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep again and opened my eyes to see my brother's and best friend's dimpled smile. "Good girl." I gave him a smile back and turned to the patiently waiting Dr. Cullen.

"Sorry." I murmured and Emmett let go of my face and occupied the seat next to me.

"Don't apologize. Many burn patients find it difficult to show their scars. It is a big feat for you. I get it." He nodded his head in encouragement. I smiled and took deep breaths as he asked me some more questions with his back to me, writing in my file.

"Okay." He said and pulled up a stool with wheels in front of me. "It indicates in your file that the majority of burns are on your torso and hands with some on your legs." He said examining my hands. "To be honest Bella, the gloves might be hindering your healing." He said as he picked up both my hands in his. I blanched.

"I can't go without them." I whimpered.

"Okay, let's just take things one step at a time, shall we?" I nodded.

He continued my exam writing things down and commenting about the upcoming surgeries that could help me. I just nodded and said okay sometimes knowing I wouldn't remember anything he said. He said that some of the scar tissue could be removed, but not all. He couldn't determine for sure how much he could do, but he could help with the pain.

"I think that's all for today. I want you to make an appointment for two weeks from today. You can bring your father with you to discuss surgery options because we need an adult to sign off on them." I nodded and he got up from his seat. "Go ahead and get dressed. Then, you meet me in my office to make that appointment." He said and moved to grab my file and exit the room. Emmett stood too and handed me my clothes.

"You did good kid." He whispered and kissed my cheek before leaving also. I quickly put my security blankets back on and headed into his office once more. I could hear them talking.

"Do you think as her brother that maybe she might consider therapy?" I heard Dr. Cullen's voice.

"I don't know. It might be a good idea, but she doesn't open up easily." I heard my brother answer. I didn't hear much after that, so I made my entrance known.

"Okay we have an opening for you two weeks from Tuesday. Will that work? I can write a doctor's note for you to be excused from school, or I can fit you in later in the day." He said looking at a calendar. I looked over to Emmett. He nodded in understanding.

"Later in the day would be best." I told him. He nodded and wrote it in his calendar and then on an appointment card for me.

"It was great to talk with you two. I hear about you non-stop at home." He chuckled and handed me the card.

"Can I ask you a question, Dr. Cullen?" I said as we stood.

"Of course, and call me Carlisle outside of your appointments." I nodded and smiled.

"You seem awfully young to have two teenagers." I said.

"That's not a question. It's a statement." He said with a slight smile.

"I guess your right."

"To answer your statement, I would ask Alice and Edward. Just as I won't tell them about you, it would seem unfair to tell you about them." He answered diplomatically. I nodded.

"I guess you're right." He chuckled.

"I will see you later. Emmett it is good to see you again. And Bella, I hope we can really make this work." He said with that warm smile. We said our goodbyes and left the hospital.

I thought about what he said and wondered what secrets Edward had. Could I really expect him to come clean when I couldn't? And if all of the things he said the other night are true maybe we could be friends. He seems to bring out another side in me and I like it. It's like my old self, before all this shit happened.

I also thought about the therapy Dr. Cullen mentioned to Emmett and wondered if it would be a good idea. I don't want to be like this forever. I don't want to always be leeching off Emmett. He seems to be finding his own place in the world. I've seen such a change in only a week and don't want to hinder his happiness with my depression.

"Bells?" Emmett said and I noticed we ad stopped in front of the house.

"Sorry." I mumbled and went for my seat belt.

"In la la land?" He smiled.

"Something like that." I answered.

"Before we go in, can I ask you a question?" He said looking straight ahead out of the windshield.

"Okay?" I said more like a question.

"What's with you and Cullen?" He said still not looking at me. I looked to my lap and fidgeted and decided to avoid it.

"Alice is a friend." I said with a slight smile when I heard him huff in frustration.

"Not that one." He muttered.

"Edward is……" I stopped not really knowing how to answer. "a friend. I guess." I shrugged.

"Just a friend?" He said finally looking at me.

"What's with you and Rosalie?" I said and crossed my arms defiantly.

"Don't do that shit." He mumbled angrily.

"Why do you always have to make every guy I like into the Anti-Christ? Jesus, Emmett." I said in frustration and threw my head back against the glass as I closed my eyes.

"So you like him?" He said completely ignoring my annoyance with these questions.

"What if I do? It's not like he would like me back. I'm gross and ugly." I sighed knowing it was the truth.

"Hey!" He barked. I didn't make a move. "Look at me, Swan." He said and took my chin in his hand forcing me to look at him. I looked into his youthful brown eyes that reminded me of our mother and let out a small whimper from the pain it caused in my chest.

"What?" I said with tears in my voice.

"I don't want to hear that bullshit. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!" He said with such conviction I almost believed him. "If that guy can't see that he's an idiot and blind." He said looking into my eyes. "Now Dr. Cullen asked me something I think you should consider." He released my face and sat back in his seat still facing me.

"What?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"He was wondering if therapy would be good for you. I think he's right." He said trying to gauge my reaction.

"I think so too." I mumbled. "I don't want to be like this anymore." I looked up and saw he had a smile playing on his lips.

"Good." He took both our bags and got out of the truck. We went inside, but Charlie was still on his fishing trip with his friend Billy and wouldn't be home until Sunday. It was only about 5:30, so we ordered pizza and watched movies until late.

--

The next morning I woke up to the doorbell ringing. It persisted, so I got up to answer it. I walked past Emmett's room and heard his loud snores. The clock in the hall said it was already about 9:30. I trudged my way downstairs to the front door. I opened it and saw a young man with a huge bouquet of freesias.

"Delivery for Isabella Swan." He said, and I opened the door for him to sit down on the coffee table. I tipped him and signed for them. He waved and walked back to his van. I looked at the huge arrangement and breathed deeply.

_Just like my body wash_. I thought.

I saw a card in all of the flowers and reached in for it as I heard Emmett's huge footsteps on the stairs.

"Whoa!" He said and walked over to them. "Secret admirer?" He questioned me and looked at the card in my hands. I shrugged and sat down in Charlie's recliner. He flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. I knew who I wanted them to be from, but I wasn't sure.

"Not so secret." I muttered to myself. I opened the small envelope and inside was a simple note.

_Because._

_From,_

_The cocky bastard._

--

**REVIEW!!**

**Go check out my BXC one shot. HOT!! On my profile.**

**Another thanks to my Beta, paradigmofsecrecy, you really are helping me with this story, and I appreciate it.**

**Updates will be slower for all my stories for the next 6 weeks. Sorry, just the way life is. When summer gets here though I will make it up to you. **

**With love to all,**

**courthale**


	7. Enough for Now

**SHE ALIVE!!! Hey, so some of you read my other stories and know that I was busy and such so sacrifices were made. This being my newest story became inactive for a while. BUT I AM BACK!**

**Hopefully I can update like twice a week, and the same for Never Forgotten. The next chapter for that is being written as we speak. **

**Thanks to my beta, Lauren. You really are a life saver with this story. **

**Scarred**

**Chapter 6**

**Enough For Now**

"So….." Alice said when she sat beside me at the kitchen table after Bella and Emmett left. Jasper joined us along with Rose.

"Bella, huh?" Rose said, not one to skirt around the issue.

"Bella." I nodded and took a drink from my glass.

"And?" Rose continued. "Oh come on. You two spent the night in the pool house and nothing happened?" She questioned and that shit just pissed me off.

I growled and stood from the table. "If any of you think she's like that, then you obviously don't know her."

"How are we supposed to know her when you steal her all the time." She smirked. I walked away because I wasn't dealing with this shit. They were just being nosey, and I knew they cared, but some stuff I'd like to keep to my self.

"Sorry." Alice said as I left. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair while leaning against the wall.

"It's just….." I sighed again like some emo motherfucker. "She's different. I don't know what it is." They all nodded and let me be. I walked out to the pool house where I spent a lot of my time. I had a room in the house, but sometimes it still felt crowded in there.

I walked over to the bedroom and found some music to put into the stereo. I programmed it to repeat and just laid down on the bed. The sounds of Nine Inch Nails started playing. Their songs always made you feel either better or worse depending on what your perspective was. They made me feel normal, you could say. I knew that the shit was pathetic, but it was nice knowing at least a few others out there felt as fucked up as I did. The lyrics of Last came into my head screaming at me.

_This isn't meant to last_

_This is for right now_

That's the way everything was. It may be good now, but what about later? Bella was here now, but I couldn't always be sure she'd be here, especially if she found out the truth. When she asked me about my scar I about shit myself.

--

_I could see the house from where the bus dropped me off. _

_It was a rainy day._

_There was thunder and lightening, but I ran to the door of my house as quick as I could._

_It was locked so I dug my key out of my backpack that my mom put there for me. _

_It was weird that no one was home._

_Usually my mom was here to let me in._

_I walked in and the house was dark._

_The shades were pulled down and none of the lights were on._

"_Hello?" I called out for my mother. _

_Nothing._

"_Mom!" I shouted. _

_I ran to the kitchen where she usually was. _

_Nothing._

_The living room._

_Still nothing._

"_Edward." I turned and ran._

"_MOM!" I yelled._

--

_I want you to make me_

_I want you to take me_

_I want you to break me_

_Then I want you to throw me away_

"HEY FUCKER!!!" Jasper said and bounced onto the bed next to me. I rose in the air like 4 feet and almost fell off the bed.

"What the fuck, asshole?" I said once I had regained my balance. He shrugged and put his arms behind his head sitting down in the chair beside the bed.

"Dude..." He said after a minute.

"What?" I asked still looking at the ceiling.

"Nothing, it's just this song." He shrugged again.

"What about it?" I was getting pretty pissed that he decided to disturb my peace.

"Nothing." He said. "Hey, let's go down to Port Angeles. I need a buzz and bad." He said and hopped up out of the chair. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out some Camels.

"Eh, I don't know." I shrugged.

"Dude, you're not just gonna sit here and be all girly with your music and shit, right?" He said pulling out his Zippo and taking a drag.

"Fuck you, man." I said and got up turning off the music and making my way outside. He followed me and his stupid fucking boots were squeaking the whole way on my hardwood floors.

"Hey, dude." He grabbed my shoulder to stop me. "What's wrong? Really." He asked. I knew we said some mean shit to each other, but Jasper was my brother in all the ways that mattered.

"What day is it?" I asked knowing the answer.

"It's Saturday." He answered. "The twentieth." He said quietly. "Oh."

"Yeah, one week." I looked back at him and he looked into my eyes and nodded.

"Okay, just let me know." He said and I nodded.

"I know. Can you please get Ali and Rose off my back for a few hours." I said and we walked back to the house.

"Sure thing." He laughed and I bumped fists with him before heading upstairs.

I thought about things you do for a friend like Bella. Do you call them? Do they call you?

_God, I really am a girl._

I almost wanted to tell her. If I had drank too much more I might have, that's why I didn't call her out when she switched my vodka with water. She needed to be handled gently. I could see that, but I honestly didn't know what the hell I wanted from her. I just knew something was different about her than the usual mass of sheep out there. The shit around me was outstanding in its idiocy. The only people I ever saw on my level were my family, including Jasper and Rose, but Bella was different.

I could see it in her eyes that she could understand me. I saw that she was holding something in, something I didn't know if I could handle. I knew I was hanging by a fucking thread as it was, so could I really be there for her? Could I ask her to be there for me? That didn't seem fair to either of us.

I knew I wanted to be her friend. I knew I could at least handle that. From last night and this morning's event, I knew we could click well. She was fun and feisty without the mask she always hid behind.

_But isn't that what you do? You wear a mask all the fucking time!_

I decided to be nice and make up for being a bit of a….how did she put it ....cocky bastard. I chuckled at the memory. I may have seemed out of it but I remember some of it.

I called a florist and ordered some flowers for her to be delivered tomorrow. I ordered freesias because I knew her sent anywhere. I knew the sentiment was nice so a note wasn't really needed so I just put who it was from.

My phone rang a little bit later that day and I answered it without looking.

"Hello?" I answered dully.

"Edward?" I knew that voice anywhere.

"Hey Tanya." I said and plopped down on my bed. I really didn't want to deal with her when my mind was all fucked up. She would call and beg for some Eduardo specialty. I was just not in the mood. She's hot though. She was tall and had legs that go one forever. Her breasts were just the perfect size. Her long strawberry blonde hair was always fun to tug on in certain situations. And get this she's 26.

"So, are you going to come over tonight?" She asked in what I had come to know as her sexy voice. But it really just sounded like a cat dying in the middle of a karaoke bar while Carmen Electra tried to sing. Yeah, it was that bad.

"Why?" I asked bored.

"I just wanted to see you." She pouted. I could just see her collagen filled lip jutting out now. I sighed and fake punched the phone a few times.

"Well, I don't." I answered still incredibly bored with this.

"Come on." She said trying to sound sexy again. "Guess what I'm wearing?" She said and my cock betrayed me by starting to twitch. This woman knew how to play me in her little games.

"What are you wearing?" I heard myself ask. I just couldn't stop myself. Rome wasn't built in a day and Edward Cullen can't be changed in a week.

"That white demi cup with the little white skirt you love." She said.

"Pigtails?" I groaned. She giggled

"Of course." She answered.

"Are you laying down?" I asked her huskily.

"Maybe." I could hear it in her voice that she knew she won and that kind of pissed me off.

"What if I told you I was too?" I said to her. She moaned into the phone.

"I would say this would be much better if you were here with me." She whispered. I smirked. This was too easy.

"I want you ready for me." She moaned again. "Put the phone on speaker." I told her.

"OK." She said and I heard some shuffling. "Okay." She said.

"Now I want you to think about me. And what I do to you." I said in a whisper. She sighed.

"I'm touching myself. Just the way you do." She moaned.

Suddenly I felt something nagging me. But I continued.

"Yeah," I took a deep breath and palmed my cock through my jeans. "Take off your bra." I demanded. I heard more shuffling then nothing. Quietly, so quiet I didn't know if I heard it, there was a moan. "Are you pinching those pink nipples for me?"

"Yes." She panted. It was getting painful with these jeans on, so I undid them and pulled out my erection. I leaned back further into the bed and listened to her moan. I closed my eyes and just imagined her laying spread for me.

"I bet your dripping." I said in a groan and opened my eyes.

"God yes!" She panted. I kept up my pace and closed my eyes again, but was jolted up by the image behind my eyes. It wasn't Tanya I saw anymore, but Bella. Her eyes looked into mine and I felt like this was how it was meant to be. I clenched my eyes shut tighter and let out a shaky breath. I suddenly felt like what I was doing with Tanya was wrong somehow. I felt like this shouldn't be her one the phone with me, but maybe someone else.

"Edward." I heard Tanya moan and that made me stop. It wasn't Tanya that I wanted to hear moaning my name like that.

"I'm sorry Tanya. I have to go." I said and hung up before she could say anything.

I laid back on my bed for a good hour just thinking which was all I seemed to do these days. I thought about my family and how love was thicker than blood. I thought about how Carlisle had redefined the word father for me, and I thought about how Esme could always bring light even through my dark days. I thought about brown eyes and dark hair. I thought about blushes.

_I thought about Bella._

I couldn't stop thinking about Bella, but I didn't know what I wanted from her. Once I knew her secrets, would I still want to know her? I know I saw a kindred broken soul in her. I knew she was fucked up, but she wouldn't tell me about it, not that I would tell her about my shit. I was never adept at maintaining friendship. The only two friends I have ever had have surpassed that meager description. Jasper and Rose were my siblings. I didn't want my friendship with Bella to turn her into my siblings, but what else can I offer her? Nothing. I was too fucked up to offer anything good to anyone.

Somewhere in all my thinking, I fell asleep.

--

_I could see the house from where the bus dropped me off. _

_It was a rainy day._

_There was thunder and lightening, but I ran to the door of my house as quick as I could._

_It was locked so I dug my key out of my backpack that my mom put there for me. _

_It was weird that no one was home._

_Usually my mom was here to let me in._

_I walked in and the house was dark._

_The shades were pulled down and none of the lights were on._

"_Hello?" I called out for my mother. _

_Nothing._

"_Mom!" I shouted. _

_I ran to the kitchen where she usually was. _

_Nothing._

_The living room._

_Still nothing._

"_Edward." I turned and ran._

"_MOM!" I yelled._

--

"EDWARD!" I jumped from my bed. I was gasping and sweating trying to get my bearings back. I looked over and saw Alice, Jasper and Rose all standing by my bed.

"What?" I gasped. Alice looked sad as she walked over to me.

"You had another dream." She whispered as she hugged me. I put my arms around her and held her close to me. I breathed in deeply and sighed.

"Oh." I said. She nodded against me chest and pulled back to look at my face. She brought her hand up and wiped away some of the perspiration on my forehead.

"Mom will be home in a little bit." She said. I looked over and Rose looked at me sadly. Jasper just smiled and waved to me.

"Let's go get some serious junk food before Esme tells us not to before she makes dinner." Jasper joked. God, he was a slick motherfucker and always knew what to say. Alice held my hand as we walked over to them. She took Jasper's as Rose took mine.

_This was my family._

--

Monday came too soon for my liking, but I was glad to have the schedule back. It was a great distraction from what I could be thinking about. I was also glad to see Bella's reaction to the flowers I sent her. I knew that she could have taken the gesture in several different ways, but I meant them as a peace offering. I wanted to let her know that I was thinking of her, and those seemed to be the perfect thing for that. But it still felt strange.

I found Jasper kissing Alice goodbye on the front step before she ran to get in Rosalie's car. I waved at them both as I flicked open my lighter to light my cigarette. Jasper and I just stood there for a second in silence just smoking and enjoying the rare sunny day of Forks. I think that's why we got along so well. He knew my moods and I knew his thinking. We never really needed any words. It was refreshing.

"Ready?" I said and stomped out my cigarette before picking it up. Esme hated to find these. He nodded with one last drag, wet his finger, and put it out. We walked over to the can under the porch and put them in there.

We got on our respective bikes and soon we were off. I, again, just let the feelings take me over. The freeing feelings came easily when I was on my bike. We pulled into the school just as the bell rang. I gave Jasper a nod before heading off to homeroom for the first time in a month.

"Mr. Cullen, it's great to see you before graduation." Mr. Miller said. I just grunted in response and took a seat. After a while, he let us talk amongst ourselves before we left for first period. I sat back in my seat, closed my eyes, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I saw her the other day with her brother at the hospital." Someone whispered. I hated gossipers; the fuckers were just sad creatures.

"Why?" Someone else asked. I groaned and turned to see who was talking. The two girls that I heard were just like everyone else in this superficial town. They didn't even dress for themselves. They looked like fucking sheep. They looked over at me and I shot them a glare.

"I don't know. She's so weird that I wouldn't doubt if she had some major damage. You should cozy up to her and find out her story. I'm sure she'll just be happy that someone spoke to her." Well, fuck me. They had to be talking about Bella. That was not going to happen in my presence at least.

"Will you shut the fuck up?" I said to them and they both jumped. The bell rang saving me from something I would regret. I got up and out of there before I could hear anything else. I hated getting information that way. I knew if Bella wanted me to know about her hospital visit, she would tell me.

--

After that, the day dragged on. They gave me an IQ test when they sent me to the Cullens and found that I had an IQ of 156. I didn't need stupid fucking Forks High for shit. Some teachers understood that sentiment and allowed me to show up only on test days, but most teachers thought that actually having me show up everyday might change my attitude. I got all A's anyway.

I walked out pulling the cigarette from behind my ear only to run into Jessica 'Sunny side up' Stanley. I really didn't want to deal with her shit right now.

"Hey, Edward." She waved.

"Hey." I said around my cigarette while lighting up. I took a long breath in and let it out in her face because that shit was funny. She coughed and waved her hand in front of her face. Once she was okay, she smiled at me again. This girl needs some self-respect. When a dickwad blows smoke in your face, you need to run as fast as you can little girl.

"So, did you hear about Mike's party down at La Push's First Beach?" She asked. I shook my head and kept walking. My legs were longer than her legs, so she had to really try to keep up.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go." She smiled sickeningly sweet. I remembered that she was a friend with that bitch who was mean to Bella the first day. I decided to fuck with her a bit.

"Sure," I said and smiled. "I'll ask Bella if she'll go with me." I added. She stood there mouth hanging open and completely shocked still. I smirked and walked away. So easy.

I walked over to my bike and saw all of them sitting in the truck bed talking. I smiled at that. Jasper had Alice in his lap as they all talked. Rose and Emmett would whisper back and forth to each other every once in a while. Bella was just sitting there on the tailgate with her face up toward the sky soaking in the sun.

I stood at the end of the truck and easily slid in with them. Bella turned to look at me and smiled. She blushed and looked down before meeting my eyes again.

"Thanks." She said softly. I nodded knowing what she meant.

"You're very welcome." I smiled.

"So, what are we doing tonight? I know it's a Monday, but we can still hang out." Alice said as she snuggled into Jasper. His coat wrapped around her like usual.

"I don't think we can." Emmett said reluctantly after an almost unperceivable shake of Bella's head.

"Well, let's do something this weekend again." She bounced but Jasper held her hips to stop her. She always got overexcited sometimes. That was part of her issues. Overcompensations.

"I'm sure we can do something." Bella answered with a smile. I was proud that she wasn't so quiet and reserved anymore. She actually had a good time Saturday with everyone after she opened up, but that exchange with Emmett reminded me of her possible hospital visit. What if there was something seriously wrong with her?

"Yeah….. Something." I said.

--

**REVIEW!**

**I hope you don't hate me too much with the almost phone sex. Like I said, Edward can't just change completely in a week. **

**So, leave me some reviews on what you think. Maybe leave some theories about what is with little Edward and how his past affected him so much.**

**See ya soon my bitches,**

**courthale**


	8. There Was a Fire

**Hey, so, sorry about taking forever. Lost some inspiration and then my wonderfully awesome beta had some stuff come up and this story is nothing without her. **

**A shout out to her. She really helps me with this one. She should be co author for how much she does for me. **

**This chapter had so much going on that both POVs are in here. **

**Enjoy! **

**Scarred**

**Chapter 7**

**There was a Fire**

It had been four weeks now since we started school. Things with our new friends were great. Emmett and Rosalie were more than official and they seemed to be falling hard for one another. I knew it was too soon to say love, but they just seemed made for each other. I was happy that he got that chance to be happy. That was all I ever wanted for my brother.

Alice and Rose were always by my side and were becoming really, great friends that I could see myself being in touch with for the rest of my life. Jasper was amazing too. He was definitely a great person to have intellectual discussions with and I couldn't help but feel comfortable around him. I found myself really coming out of my shell with all of them. We all had problems and that seem to be what rooted us together the most.

Edward was different. He became my best friend, but there were moments when he would touch my hair or I would catch him watching me that he seemed like more. He was never distant or gave me the cold-shoulder. It was more like warm was his baseline and every now and then he'd get a hot flash. It was odd to feel such a strong bond so quickly with him. He really saw me. We talked often and it was helping me to heal. It was a slow process but it was getting easier.

Things at school seemed about the same. Classes were remedial at best. The sheep as Edward affectionately called them still saw me a shiny new toy. They would whisper as I walked past then with the infamous Edward Cullen. Girls still tripped over themselves to get his attention. He was the school's ultimate bad boy, since Jasper was thoroughly taken. The "popular" sheep completely ignored me, much to my preference. It was difficult though, being new and hanging out with the mysterious Cullens and Hales tended to keep any other potential friends away, but I would take that over losing them any day.

My scars still throbbed at times bringing out the short-tempered, well hidden bitch deep within. I had a standing appointment with Dr. Cullen every week. We were excited to find a new laser treatment in its developing stages but with very promising trials. It was showing promise in decreasing the appearance of scars. Since my scars were relatively new, Dr. Cullen said that he was hopeful that the treatment would be effective for me. It was good to have him there for this. He knew a lot and was a very talented man. I was very lucky to have him work with me.

A few weeks ago Dr. Cullen, Emmett and Charlie tried to talk me into going to counseling. I thought it was a good idea at first, but I wasn't ready yet. I could barely open up to my brother how was I supposed to speak to a stranger. I still had nightmares about the fire. They would change every once in a while, but mostly they stayed the same.

I missed my mom and Phil. I just wanted to see my mom smiling as I came down for breakfast. I wanted to see Phil at the kitchen table reading the sports section. I wanted to have my mother hold me as I cried about some stupid high school crush. I wanted Phil to help me with the chords I was learning on my guitar. I just wanted them.

_But I never could have what I wanted._

"Hey, stranger." Edward said and sat next to me at our lunch table. He nudged my shoulder with his and smiled. I still couldn't control my blush around him and this time was no exception.

"Hey," I answered back and bit into my sandwich. We sat there for a second in comfortable silence. His presence was always a contradiction of calming and unnerving. I saw him as a friend, yet I thought he was one of the most amazing people I had ever met.

"What are you guys doing this weekend?" He asked and offered me some of his chips. I took one and shrugged.

"I know Charlie is fishing again. I think Emmett and Rose have a date Friday." I said and looked over to him. He smiled and nodded returning to his food.

"Oh." He said after a minute and reached into his jacket pocket. "I mixed this for you. We were talking about Kings of Leon last week and I wanted you to have all their best." He said and handed it to me. See, this was one of those moments where he seemed to want more. He not only recalled a conversation from last week, but took the time to make me something when he could have done any number of other things more important.

Our love of music was mutual. It ran deep between us and it was always something to be discussed. He played almost everything, piano, guitar, drums, bass, anything. I glared at him playfully whenever he listed off all the instruments. I glared now just thinking about it.

"Still thinking about my musical abilities." He chuckled softly. I just smiled and nodded.

"I wish I could do that. I used to play guitar but……" I trailed off and took another bite of my sandwich.

We sat in silence for a bit. We both got the cues from each other about not pushing. I knew if he was angry or quiet that he didn't want to talk, and when I was sad or quiet then he knew I didn't want to talk. When my scars hurt especially bad, my bitchy mood confused him. I tried not to snap at anyone, but if it is going to happen then it is going to be at the person who is nearest to me at the moment. That person lately has been Edward since my brother is off with Rosalie.

"What's up?" Emmett said sitting carrying his and Rose's trays. He sat hers down as she sat. He turned his chair around to sit his front against the back and placed his tray in front of him.

"Not much." I shrugged.

"We were just talking about music." Edward chuckled. I threw a noodle at him playfully.

"Again." Emmett whined.

"You guys are two peas in a fucking pod." Jasper said and sat down. Alice sat on his lap easily and began to play with his blond curls.

"I think we should go to The Virgins concert in Seattle this weekend. It should be fun." Alice said while feeding Jasper some grapes. Adorable, but gag worthy.

"Really, huh?" I said. I still was not comfortable with a lot of things, crowds being one of them.

"Yeah, it's on the lawn seating, so we just bring a blanket and enjoy." She continued. This might be a good thing, so Edward and I could be on our own a bit.

"That could be fun." I nodded and everyone agreed after that.

"Hey." Edward leaned over and nudged my shoulder. He was whispering and the couples were engrossed in each other so they wouldn't hear us.

"Yeah?" I answered and leaned closer.

"You look good today." He said and then leaned back. I blushed of course and sat back to my chair.

Alice bought me a few clothes, but I was still weary about wearing some of them. Today, I wore a pair of better fitting jeans with a long sleeve purple thermal and a black Icon Hella leather-riding jacket that was fitted in the waist. To be honest, as much as I promised myself that we would only be friends, I knew I prayed he would sweep me off my feet and we'd ride off into the sunset.

It was irrational, but a nice fantasy nonetheless.

The bell rang signaling it was time for classes, so Edward and I said goodbye to our friends and made our way down the hall to Biology. We talked about class when all of a sudden someone bumped into me from behind.

I fell to the ground as my books flew everywhere. I heard some kids laughing. I looked around for my books and tried to gather them before standing. Edward was standing there nose to nose with some kid I had seen around.

"Newton, you better fucking say you're sorry." Edward growled. For the first time, I saw how angry he could get. I had seen it but never this bad.

"What the fuck? It was an accident." The other kid screeched. I stood there trying to figure out what to say.

"Edward." I spoke quietly. "Just leave it." I pleaded. I placed my hand on his arm and he turned his head to look at me.

"No, he will say sorry." Edward stood his ground and his glare was only trained on Mike. I felt bad for him. It did only seem like an accident. Mike turned around and started to walk off. Edward followed trying to grab him.

"Hey, are you okay?" I heard from beside me. I looked over and saw another boy from class I had seen before. I just looked at the ground not liking all of this sudden attention. I noticed that Mike had led Edward out of sight with the amassing crowd. That bad feeling just got worse. The boy from class knocked the books out of my arms. I just stood there wondering what he planned on doing next. Then, I saw the girl who had confronted me on my first day with a white, Styrofoam cup from the cafeteria. She threw the cold contents onto me before I could say anything to her or even move out of her way.

"Why don't you go back where you came from, freak?"

She nodded to boy on her left who reached into his pocket. He pulled out something that remained hidden by his plate-sized hand. Someone tossed one of my books at him. He held it in one hand directly above the other hand. It caught fire.

Fire.

Burned.

Flames.

Mom!

I could feel everyone looking at us and everything just went blurry. The voices were muted by a loud buzzing sound. I could feel all eyes on me. My tears began to run down my cheek and I noticed that all motions had stopped except for the water being tossed on my book from a cup like the one that was used to soak me.

"Bella?" I heard in the distance. It was muffled and barely there but I heard it.

Suddenly everything was black.

--

EPOV

I heard the gasps just as I was about to lay my fist into Newton's fucking face. Who the fuck did he think he was? I turned, but I couldn't see what everyone was staring at. I also could not find Bella. I walked away in the middle of one of Newton's insults to get a glimpse of where Bella was. That's when my heart stopped. I saw her curled into a ball on the floor against the wall. She was wet and her clothes were stained from what looked liked fruit punch. Some guys were throwing water on a book that they lit on fire.

I rush to her calling out her name, but getting no response. I picked her up and carried her away from the mob catching only glimpses of what had happened. These fucking sheep thought they could embarrass her. These mother fuckers…

"Edward? What the hell happened?"

I heard Emmett as he ran my way from down the hall. Apparently at some point, people were yelling loud enough to distract the nearby classes. Emmett stopped in front of me and tried to take Bella from my arms. The sound that came out of my throat could only be described as a feral growl. He looked at me for only a moment longer before stepping backwards and speaking.

"We need to get her to the hospital."

"First, we need to get her away from all of these people."

Emmett cut a wide swath through the now massive crowd outside to the flagpole. I ran through all the medical knowledge that I acquired living with Carlisle. Her pulse was racing. Her breathing was shallow and quick. Emmett interrupted my mediocre assessment.

"Put her in the truck. I'll take her to the hospital."

I had seen females faint a lot, so I thought that once the stress was removed that Bella would wake up. Emmett's nervous twitches told a different story.

"We'll take my car. It's faster."

--

BPOV

"…… episodes been……." I heard flickers of voices near me. An incessant beeping noise was close by as well. It was really annoying the crap out of me.

"She hasn't had one like this since we came to Forks." I heard my brother's voice clearly.

I was lying down with my eyes clamped shut because I could tell the lights were bright. Things were distant but getting closer. I felt something heavy and warm in my hand, then I felt something sweep across my forehead. I could hear familiar voices. Emmett's voice was the loudest and most recognizable.

"What was happening when she had it?" The voice sounded calm and warm. It was a male with authority clear in his tone. Dr. Cullen.

Silence.

I thought maybe I was slipping under again until I heard the voice that was in my thoughts all the time.

"It was my fault. I should have just left it alone." Edward said quietly. I felt a tingling sensation brush up my arm leaving sparks in its wake. The beeping became louder and faster. Of course, when he touches me I'm hooked up to a fucking machine.

"Is she waking up?" The other voice was gruff and tired, but hopeful. Charlie.

"I think so." Carlisle said.

"What?" I said groggily. I could feel the oxygen under my nose. I felt tape also tugging on my hand and figured it was best not to move it or look. Needles were just not my strong suit.

"Hey." I turned and saw my brother at my side. I looked and saw the reason for the heavy weight in my hand. He was holding onto it for dear life.

"What happened? Did I…..?" I trailed off looking at my arms mostly my hands. My shirt and gloves were gone. I had on a regular hospital gown.

_MY SCARS!_

"Get out!" I shouted. "Get out! Everybody get out! You can't see me like this." I cried. I smacked the two most important people in my life away from me as I desperately grasped my blankets trying to cover up my hideous body. Tears were streaming down my face and my vision was blurred.

None of the four men in the room made a move except for Dr. Cullen. A nurse rushed in with something and handed it to him. I couldn't bring myself to look at Edward. He had seen me. He had seen how ugly I was. I must repulse him.

"Bells." Emmett said in a strangled whisper. He was trying to calm me down. "You have to calm down sweetie." It was no use. I couldn't calm down. Not even Charlie had seen me like this.

I cried for them all to leave but still none of them moved.

"Please…" I whispered. I saw Dr. Cullen move to my side. He messed with my IV. Suddenly things got fuzzy and far away again. "Please…" I whispered and fell into a deep sleep.

--

EPOV

I closed the door to Bella's room gently after she drifted asleep. I heard my father follow after me as he spoke.

"I told you she would not want you to see them. It is very hard for burn patients to show their scars to people, especially people that they care about as Bella does for you."

"Why did she hide it?"

"Why do you hide yours?"

--

BPOV

The dreams started out peaceful. That was a change.

_I sat in a large clearing. I laid out on a bed of grass. My arms moved in the grass and flowers around me, as if making a snow angel. But the grass was green and thick between my fingers. _

_I felt at peace._

_Suddenly the dream shifted and I was standing in my room. I looked around and saw Edward sitting on my bed. _

_I looked down and saw that I was only wearing shorts and a tank top._

_He was staring at me._

_The blank look on his face scared me._

_He stood suddenly and looked into my eyes. _

_I just stared back, motionless. _

"_This….." He paused and looked down at my burned body. "Doesn't matter." _

_I choked out a sob and fell, but he caught me before I hit the ground. _

_I cried into his chest._

_I didn't know if I was happy or sad._

_I was happy that he would look past something that had changed me so much._

_Or sad that I would now need to tell him of my past and hear of his. _

_I didn't want to say it but I did._

"_There was a fire." _

--

I woke with a start and found that I had tears in my eyes. I finally noticed the warmth coming from my entire right side as I felt strong arms wrap around me. The arms that I had brought from my dream with me.

"Shh, baby. I'm here." I cried into his broad chest unable to form words. He was here. He had seen my skin, and he still touched me willingly.

My cries died down and he never faltered. He held me and rocked me, whispering words of encouragement and understanding. I held onto him for dear life. He was my anchor. He had fundamentally changed me from what I was before. When I thought all was lost and I could never be the same he changed that. With his friendship and my hope of maybe more. He changed me.

There were three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward had his own problems. Things I knew he wanted to tell me, but like me, he was afraid.

Second, there was a part of him that would always be there for me. Even in my subconscious I knew he would never leave.

Thirdly, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

And because of these things, my time had come to be honest. I could no longer hide this part of me from him. He was the best part of me.

"There was a fire."

--

EPOV

I went back into the room as Emmett and the Chief went to get some food from the cafeteria. I snuck in quietly and sat by her bed. I could see her scars from the dim light that the closed curtains let in. I traced the outside of her forearm lightly. She shivered, so I stopped. Then, she started mumbling and tossing, so I slid gently into the bed next to her.

Until today, I was uncertain what I wanted to be in Bella's life. I could barely hold my shit together. How could I help her deal with her shit too? But after that moment in the hallway when I saw her lying on the floor, I knew what I wanted to be for her. I knew that I wanted to be the one to make her safe and to comfort her. Being with her is my only option.

I saw the tears run down her face and wrapped my arms around her as she woke up startled.

"Shh, baby. I'm here."

I tell her that she is beautiful. I tell her that she is safe and that I will not leave her until she wants me to go.

Today would change the rest of my life.

--

**REVIEW!!**

**Story suggestions: **

**Detours by Aciepey. This is an amazing story that needs a bunch of love.**

**The Best of You by Crash Hale. This is an Emmett and Alice and Bella story. I know, and how awesome is that. **

**Acting Out by eroticfan. This an interesting story that is very well written. The more love this story gets would be awesome. **

**Also check out the author Halawia. She has two stories called Loss and Gain and Coveting. Check them out. **

**with love to all,**

**courthale  
**


	9. The Smoke

**Hey, sorry about the delay. This chapter took sometime. You will see why. It took a lot to get it all out and to get it all right.**

**Thanks to my beta.**

**And a special thanks to Krys (aka myonlyheroin) for helping me out and just being awesome. LOL Thanks girly. **

**And also I didn't say it last time but thanks to Aciepey. I just think you are awesome and everyone needs to go read her story Detours.**

**Okay, now read away!**

**Scarred**

**Chapter 8**

**The Smoke**

It was now or never. He had seen me, all of me. I could either push him away or allow him to be here. Even with my scars showing he was still here, holding me. For the first time in months, I felt safe. I even felt….loved? I wasn't sure. The feelings he brought out in me were completely different than anything I had ever felt. It was scary as hell, but was it worth it?

"I was home. Alone. My mom and Phil were at his team's annual party when the season starts. I usually go but I didn't feel good."

I knew that I had to do this if I expected to even be just his friend. I couldn't hide anymore. I took a deep breath and continued.

"Emmett stayed to keep me company. We've always been close. He was just going to watch movies and eat pizza with me." I smiled at the memories of a carefree time.

"_You get to pick." Em said as he looked through the movies on our massive DVD case. I smiled at my brother and thought._

"_How about……" I paused. "Forgetting Sarah Marshall?" I said and got out the phone book for the pizza place's number. He laughed and nodded._

"_Okay, but no complaining about nightmares from the male nudity." He laughed. I just stuck my tongue out at him and laughed to. _

_We ordered the large pizza and sat down to watch the movie. It came quickly and soon we were laughing and having fun._

"It was fun but the medicine I took made me sleepy." I gulped around the lump in my throat.

He was still there holding me. I tried to look into his eyes, but I was a coward and just stared at my deformed hands. My blankets had fallen in the restless sleep and were now showing my burned legs. I didn't move to cover them. They needed to be shown. All of me needed to be shown.

"Emmett woke me up and told me to go to bed." I laughed thinking back. "He pretty much carried me up the stairs because I was so exhausted."

"_What….?" I said groggily when I felt my body being shifted. _

"_Shh. Bella, I'm just taking you up to bed." Emmett whispered. I nodded and curled into his chest. He made the trip to my room easily with his burly frame. I weighed almost nothing to him. I felt him lay me on my bed as he muttered about a party._

"_Don't be stupid, Em. I don't want anything to happen to you."_

_Emmett smiled at me sweetly. He knew how I got when he partied. His friends could be really crazy. He leaned down and kissed my forehead before telling me to stop worrying._

"_You're too creative for your own good. Nothing's going to happen, and I'll be home long before you wake up. I promise."_

"_G'night, brother bear." I whispered as he chuckled and put my blanket over me. _

"He always took such great care of me." I whispered and clutched Edward's shirt tighter. In response, he held me tighter. I sighed into his neck and breathed in his scent. It calmed me in ways I could never explain.

"I'm here." He whispered. He knew what I needed. I needed the reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere. And he hadn't.

"I woke up coughing. The smoke was everywhere." I said and the tears came in earnest.

_I couldn't see much. It was a new moon, so not even the moon provided the light needed. The smoke was a cloud coming from under my door. I was on the second story and knew I couldn't get out from my window. _

_I knew there were things I was taught to remember when this happens but it all seemed to disappear. I look back now and what I did wasn't safe. It cost me dearly. _

_I coughed and made my way to the door. All of our rooms were on the second floor. I knew I needed to find the others._

"I opened the door and the smoke that came in was so thick that I couldn't see or breathe. I was so disoriented." My voice became almost mechanical because detaching myself was the only way to get through my story. The tears still fell but I needed to stay here in the present. I had to hold on.

_I made my way down the hall. All I could see was smoke. I couldn't see any flames or anything. Emmett's room was right next to mine. I opened the door and found it like mine. But……_

_No Emmett._

"I didn't know what to think. I had no idea what time it was so I didn't know if he was still at the party. I was so scared that the fire got him. I tried to think of what could have happened, but I was so disoriented. My feet took me to the last door in the hall." I said and let out a sob into his chest. It was coming back. Too fast. But I needed to do this. I needed to free myself, and with Edward, I could be free.

_I ran now. I needed to see them. I needed to help them. I just needed them. I was halfway there when I fell. The smoke was making me dizzy. I crawled. That seemed better too. There wasn't as much smoke. So, I stayed on the ground. _

"That's when I realized where the smoke was coming from." I said and cried. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"We can stop." He whispered. I shook my head. He moved me so I sat sideways in his lap. My arms went around his neck and I buried my face deeper into his chest.

"I need this." I said softly into his ear. He sighed, knowing it was worse, but needing to hear it anyway.

"What happened next?" He prodded and rubbed my back. I felt myself melt into his embrace. I continued breathlessly. This was the worst.

"I crawled on my hands and knees to their door. I was still coughing and out of it but I made it. There was so much smoke coming out of their room." I sobbed again. I hated this. I hated this stupid error that put my world on its axis. It was so unfair.

_The smoke._

_It was too much and I felt like I was going under. Almost like I was drowning. My body felt so tired. Then I heard it. _

_The scream._

_My mother's scream._

_But it wasn't my mother's. _

"It was so awful. I realized that I was just imagining it to be her. It was me. I was screaming for her. And I couldn't reach her." I cried. My voice grew in volume. I knew I was only trying to convince myself and now Edward that is wasn't my fault. But I knew if I could have just…..

"I know what you're thinking, and don't. You did all you could." His voice sounded firm and sure. I gulped down my cries and wept into his neck even more.

"I could have done more." I whimpered into his body. He shook his head fiercely and made me look at him.

"Look at me when I say this." He grabbed my face in his hands, cupping my cheeks. I closed my eyes and took a deep shuddering breath to calm myself.

When I opened them, I looked into his bottomless, emerald eyes. They had never looked so open. I felt as if I could see all of him. And it was beautiful.

"You, Bella, did all that you could have possibly done. I wasn't there, but I know you. You would not have stopped unless you physically could not move. You nearly died trying to save them. It was never your fault." He said fiercely. I closed my eyes again.

_I could barely see anything now. Just screaming. I heard a voice but it was muffled. Then the pain. _

_Excruciating pain._

"_She's here. I found her."_

_I saw a figure approach me. It picked me up and then. Nothing._

"I woke up a few days later in the ICU. My lungs had suffered a lot of smoke damage." I thought back to when I woke up. "Emmett was sitting next to me when I woke up just like he was today." I smiled sadly. "I found out Mom and Phil couldn't be reached. The fire was too bad and then when they were found…." I paused and took a deep breath. "they died of smoke inhalation."

"Bella?" Edward spoke. "I want you to know something." I lifted my head from his shoulder to look into those incredible eyes again.

"Okay." I said cautiously. He lifted my hand in his and traced my scarred palm. I felt new tears come at the reverence of his touch.

"I….." He paused and brought the hand closer to his face. I gasped when he brought my palm to his mouth and kissed it. "like you just the way you are. And this…." He stopped and traced my scarred thighs. I shivered and my breathing grew ragged. I put my forehead to his shoulder and his hot breaths fanned against my neck. "Doesn't matter to me. I have always thought you were beautiful." He whispered into my ear.

He turned his head completely and placed a kiss on my neck. I sighed and hugged him closer.

This is what I needed to bring me back. He was my anchor. My guiding star that brought me back to the place I needed to be. I couldn't keep myself locked up anymore. It wasn't fair to anyone, especially me. I wanted to be able to live and be free. I wanted out of this prison that I had made for myself.

"Bells?" We both turned and saw a teary Emmett in the doorway. I gasped at my brother's state. He looked like he was in so much pain and so very lost.

"Em." I whispered. He shut the door and slowly made his way to the chair he had sat in when I woke up. He took my hand in his.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." He whispered and let a few tears fall. I had only ever seen him break down like this once, at their funeral.

"It's not your fault." I said and cupped his cheek. He shook his head and stood suddenly. This needed to happen. He had always been strong for me and never got to just deal with things. He lost so much and only ever was there for me. I needed to be here for him.

"It is dammit." He said firmly and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Edward held me closer and I looked to him. He looked fierce, almost as if he was afraid Emmett might hurt me in his anger. I traced his cheekbone with my finger to get his attention. He looked back at me and his eyes softened. I shook my head and he nodded in understanding.

"Em," I said softly.

"I was getting drunk with stupid friends when I should have been there." He said and knelt beside my bed. He took my hand in his and rested his forehead against it on the bed. "You're my baby sister. I'm supposed to protect you. I was supposed to protect mom." He said in a whisper and the tears evident in his voice. "Phil was like my best friend. He didn't deserve to die." Emmett voice broke and he clutched my hand. I could feel the tears on my skin. My hand reached over and I ran my hands softly through his hair as he cried. He needed this.

I looked over at Edward and he was still looking at me. He kissed my temple and started to move me off of him. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"I'm going to go get some coffee. Do you need anything?" He asked. Part of me wanted him to stay and then the other part of me knew that he was right. This was a time for my brother and I. I shook my head and he nodded before fully getting off the bed. "I have my phone if you need me." He said quietly and kissed the top of my head. I sighed at the feeling of his lips on me, even if only innocent.

He walked out with a final smile and closed the door behind him. My brother and my protector was still pressing his face into my hand. I whispered soothing words and kept up my calming touches. I knew mom did this for us when we were upset. The thought made my eyes sting with tears but they fell silently. It was my turn to be strong.

"Things are so messed up." He said hoarsely slowly lifting his head. I nodded my head and scooted over on my bed. He quickly got the hint and we squeezed into the small hospital bed together.

"They are. But….." I paused thinking about what to say next. He needed the reassurances just like I did. He may have seemed fine on the surface but I saw the sadness in his eyes when something reminded him of our lost loved ones. Whenever Esme would hug him or cook us a nice meal. Whenever our own father would watch baseball and have guy time with Emmett. He was our father and we loved him but Phil became his best friend. He was around more and things just fell into place. "That doesn't mean we can't move on." I whispered and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his broad chest.

"Moving on isn't as easy as it sounds." He said into the top of my head. I nodded my understanding. "I don't want to forget them Bells." He said and I felt his tears wetting my hair.

"We won't. We can't." I whispered fiercely.

I knew what he meant. With each passing day made it harder to remember the little things. Things like how mom's smile seemed just a bit brighter when Phil walked into the room. Or when Phil's laugh when we had family game night, at his insistence. Or just to hear the sound of their voices when they spoke. Whether it was in anger or happiness, I just wanted to hear their voices again.

"I see so much of mom in you." I whispered with a little laugh. "Your eyes especially the way they crinkle a bit when you smile and your dimples." I said feeling the tears spilling over again. Or maybe they never stopped. "The way you always have a carefree spirit and want the others around you to laugh or be happy."

"Bells….." He said and hugged me tighter. "Thank you." He choked out. I looked up at him and smiled a watery smile.

"No problem brother bear." I said and kissed his cheek.

"I love you, sis. More than you will ever know." He said looking into my eyes.

"I love you too. More than _you _could ever know." I said back and meant it. I meant it for forever, because we were there for each other. We needed to be there.

I saw Edward peek his head into the room with two cups of coffee. He gave me a tight smile and I returned it with one of my own. I don't know how long Emmett and I had been there but when I looked up I saw that he was asleep.

"Em?" I said softly. He stirred slightly and looked down at me. "Go home. Get some sleep. I don't know how much longer I'll be here……." I said.

"Here, man. And if she gets released soon, I'll take her home." Edward said and handed Emmett the other coffee. He reached around to his back pocket and pulled out a bag of M&Ms and a Dr. Pepper. My mouth watered at the sight and he chuckled. "I know you hate coffee." He said and handed them to me.

"Thank you so much." They both laughed as I took it from him quickly.

The air seemed heavier all of a sudden, and I could see it the way he looked at me, I could see the hesitance in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was positive of us or if there was something else. He had me scared and I had to know. I had to believe that we would be all right; I needed us to be okay. His eyes, his eyes were showing me something different. Something indecipherable that was scaring me.

I pulled my blankets back over me suddenly feeling exposed and trying to hide my own emotions in my eyes.

**--**

**Review!!**

**Hope this was good for you guys. I know I cried writing it.  
**


	10. My Own Two Arms

**So, yeah... Major fail yet again. Sorry. **

**Real life came up and I was.... umm... distracted. (I know some of you know what I mean.)**

**Anyways, this is a turning point for the crazy kids. Read, enjoy, then review!**

**Special thanks always to my beta. Love you girly, and yes... You are my bitch. lol **

**Also, to myonlyherion (krys, my ho, my love, my reason to wake up in the morning.) who helped me get out of my rut and get this chapter done. Thanks for having an honest opinion and never bullshitting me. Love ya!  
**

Scarred

Chapter 9

My Own Two Arms

The door closed behind her brother as he left, and I stood silently for a few seconds. I could feel the air thick with a tension. Everything around me closed in quickly.

I was messed up. I knew this. She was broken and bruised, and me, I was just a fuck up with a frightening past and an even more frightening future. She told me her secret, and she showed me her body. She told me her past, her hurts, and her fears and, I still could not think of a way to tell her about me. I could not even find the want to tell her.

I straightened out my back and turned around to see her sitting there on the bed. She had pulled the blankets back over her and the look on her face was one of worry. She was biting her lip and her brows wrinkled in concentration. It was something I had expected but still dreaded. This shit was as fucked up as we were.

I walked over to the chair Emmett had just occupied and plopped down beside her. She kept her eyes down. It was the same look she had the first time that I saw her. She was panicked. I thought we were past this. She just let me in. What could be wrong now?

"Can I have one?" I asked to break the ice a little. She nodded and handed me her whole bag of m&ms.

I reached passed the bright yellow bag to touch the tiny area of scarred skin that she left exposed. Her eyes flew up to mine, and I heard her sharply take in a breath. I slid my fingers gently down her wrist to tip a few into my hand. She shook her head and continued to hide herself from me. The covers were so completely covering her that she looked almost as though she were trying to merge with the bed.

"Bella?" She ignored me. "What's wrong?" I said and reached beneath the covers to grasp her hand gently.

This felt right.

Holding her, in any way that she would let me, felt like someone turned the air down to a polar setting. Shocks coursed through my limbs and torso from my contact with her skin. Her beautiful skin.

Touching her should be fine.

And it was.

She closed her eyes as my other hand came in contact with her cheek and she sighed. I tucked the strand behind her ear and heard her exhale shakily.

"Bells, I can see it in your eyes that something's not right........ I need to know what you're thinking. I need to know how to fix it," I told her pleading. No one, and I mean no one, had the same affect on me as she did. I needed her to be okay like I needed to breathe. It hurt to see her hurt. If a bastard like me could cry, I would have matched her tear for tear.

"You can't," She said in a small voice. I shook my head at her and she looked at me from under her lashes.

"Don't do that shit with me," I whispered to her softly and she bit her lip. I stood and made my way to sit next to her on the bed. She scooted over for me a little, but I wasn't having that either. I put my arms around her, lifted her slightly, and pulled her close to me.

She hesitated for a moment, then fell into me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and her face buried in my neck. It took all I had not to just pull her lips to mine and taste her sweet, innocent lips. Her innocence was one of the most genuine things about her. She was my complete opposite in almost every way. And I loved her for it.

I inhaled quickly.

_Love?_

_Yes, love. You love Bella Swan._

_I do?_

_Mmhmm._

_Huh_

"Tell me what's wrong," I pleaded with her softly. She was the only person to make me talk and care for someone this way. I tried with her. I actually tried.

"I'm scared." She whispered against my neck. I could feel her breaths causing me to shiver slightly. I breathed in deep to prepare myself for it as irrational fear flooded me.

_She's afraid of you._

_And she should be._

"Of?" I asked cautiously. I wasn't sure I wanted the answer.

"Losing you," She said even quieter. I sat there stunned for a moment.

"Why would you ever lose me?" I asked her and stroked her back. Her crying had calmed down a bit.

"Because I'm….." She started then stopped herself. I held my breath. "because of what I look like… because of how I am." She finished.

"What? I don't understand why you would think that," I said and tilted her face up to see mine. Her tears were brimming again.

"Because I'm so messed up. Inside and out," She answered and her lip trembled.

This beautiful, kind, loving, and caring creature believed she was unworthy of me. She believed that she wasn't worthy to be with a bastard whose life is so fucked up that he can't think straight most of the time. Me, the one whose denigration knows no boundaries except for the lovely softness within my arms. The one your parents warn you about when you got up everyday. She thought she was unworthy of me?

"How could I not want you? Caring, loving and as beautiful as you are. Inside and out," I told her and held her face in my hands. Her eyes stayed on mine for as long as possible. Mine did the same. It was reassurance we were looking for. "I'm unworthy of you, my Bella." I said in a whisper. Her breath hitched and her eyes darted to my lips. Mine did the same.

She stayed on my lips. Then back into my eyes. Her cheeks flushed even deeper and she took a deep breath.

"I've never been kissed before," She said quietly. I smiled as her eyes met mine.

"Would you mind if I changed that for you?" I said just as quiet with my smile for her still intact. The crooked one that made her blush the minute she saw it.

She licked her lips and looked to mine again. In my mind I had the words of a song I never thought would be something I could relate to. Never thought I would see the day they spoke to me.

_And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight_

_Say when_

_And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight_

"Say when," I told her as I inched closer. She breathed in deeply. I licked my lips and looked into her eyes. Her brown ones were so dark and deep. I could get lost in them forever. I wanted to.

"When," She whispered and met me the rest of the way. Our lips touched softly and it was like my body came alive.

I had walked this earth alone and broken. For so many years I had only been for me, I knew what I was and what I could become. My faith in myself had never been very deep because my life had never had meaning but to look for the pleasures of the physical world. Never had I opened my heart. It had been replaced with a void so dark and deep no one could really reach me. Many had tried. None had come close.

I had my family. But they were my protectors. Shielding me from falling too deep into the void.

But Bella…

She was everything. My other half. My soul had found its partner in everyway. With one look into her brown eyes I was lost, but at the same time she had found me. She pulled me from the void and didn't even need to try. It just was. And that's what made her special. That's what made her mine.

Forever.

Our lips molded together in the most intimate, yet most innocent kiss I had ever shared. Her eyes finally closed, and she let out a soft sigh. My tongue flickered out to taste her, and she gasped. Her hands came into my hair and tugged as she opened her mouth to mine. I let out a low moan when our tongues touched. My arms tightened around her and I felt right. I felt like my world was tilted back into place on its axis.

Our tongues danced instinctually. This was more evidence that she was made for me. This woman, who had never been kissed, made my whole body light on fire with one kiss. A perfect kiss.

We broke apart gasping for air. Our foreheads rested on each others and we looked into each others eyes.

Brown.

Green.

It was like how we were in life. I was the weak leaf that could wilt and die quickly. But she was the strong support. Her branches held me and sustained me.

Brown.

Green.

Meant for the other.

"I love you," I said before I could stop myself. She gasped and her eyes filled with tears again.

"I love you too," She answered before I could say anything else.

Our smiles were bright and blinding. They matched at intensity.

--

Next School Day

"It's okay, baby," I said to her and cupped her cheeks and held her face in my hands. Her brown eyes stared back up at me and she seemed so scared. "I'm here," I said in a soft voice.

She sighed and nodded. I could tell she was scared to be back here. I knew it was soon but if she didn't face this now, then she never would. She'd hole herself up in her room and never come out. I needed her to be stronger than that. She needed to be stronger than that for herself.

"Let's do this then." She said and shivered. She had one a small jacket and her regular gloves. Underneath her jacket she was wearing a gray shirt that looked like it had some writing on it. I think it was a band but I couldn't read it. And her jeans that Alice had bought her. I really, really liked those jeans.

"Here." I took off my jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

Her eyes widened and she stared at my chest. She slowly put her arms in the sleeves while still staring at my chest. I was wearing a normal t-shirt. It was black and a little bit tighter but nothing special.

"You okay?" I asked and pulled her into my embrace.

"I'm fine just…" She trailed off and looked up at me.

I looked down at her face and traced her jaw line with my finger. She breathed in deep and leaned into my touch. It had been less than 24 hours and we hadn't kissed since that first time. It felt like ages.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew what my Pre-Bella self wanted and that's what scared me.

But at the same time kissing Bella felt better than any fucking I ever did.

And I also knew that we would have problems. I knew I wasn't fixed automatically. I'm not that fucking delusional.

"You're just so beautiful," She said breaking me from my musings. I looked at her for a second before giving her my smile that was just for her. I chuckled slightly and she buried her face in my chest. "Don't laugh at me," she pouted and I only laughed harder.

She pulled away from me and muttered, "Asshole." I grabbed her elbow and pulled her back to me. She semi struggled in my arms but then relented.

"I'm sorry. It was just a little funny. No one's ever called me beautiful before." I said and rubbed the back of her neck as her face was buried in my chest. I swept her hair away and felt the warmth of her skin there. Before I could stop myself, I leaned down and kissed her long slender neck. She gasped and moaned, so I continued my journey of her neck to her ear where I nibbled her lobe.

"I love you," I heard her whisper.

"I love you too, baby. More than my own life," I said back with everything I had. I meant it more than anything I've ever said.

--

"So, now you think you're the shit, huh?" I heard in the distance before I saw anything. I had only left her alone for a minute to take a piss before break.

"I don't know what you mean," I heard her say quietly.

"You have Edward Cullen now, so you think you're above the rest of us?" I knew that voice. I hated that voice. I had, unfortunately, messed around with that voice.

"Lauren, I…." Bella whispered.

"Shut up, you bitch." She hissed.

"HEY!" I shouted and ran to get to her. "Back off," I warned and stood between the two.

"Edward, it's fine," Bella said from behind me.

"Whatever," Lauren scoffed and then walked away.

_Would this shit ever end?_

--

"Hey! I'm home." I yelled into the house. It looked like everyone was here. Even Rosalie and Jasper's cars were out front.

"Hey sweetie," Esme said from the kitchen. I waved at her and she came over to me. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and I was instantly worried.

"Mom?" I questioned. She looked at me with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Your father is in his study and he needs to talk to you." She said and smoothed down my hair like she did was I was younger. Times when things got rough and she knew I needed the comfort.

"Okay," I said knowing something was going on.

I walked up the stairs slowly. Trying to slow down the inevitable bad news. I could hear my friends laughing at the TV and completely unaware of what my parents seemed to be upset about.

I knocked on the door and he called me inside already knowing who it was.

His face.

His face scared the shit out of me.

"Hey dad." I said and sat down in the chair opposite him.

"Hello son," He said somberly.

He sat there for a little while just staring at me and me staring back. He finally sighed and closed his lids over his icey blue eyes. He was young to be the father of someone my age but in this moment he looked as if he lived hundreds of years.

"We got a call today, along with a letter for you." He said pulling out an envelope. He handed it to me and I took it slowly.

My eyes scanned the paper and then they snapped back up to Carlisle. He nodded.

"Westwood Mental Health Facility called today. They say he's very sick."

**--**

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	11. Walls Torn Down

**Hey whores, I UPDATED!! So, this chapter took a long ass time but I hope it pays off. **

**Thanks to sub beta for this chapter, krys aka myonlyheroin. You rock, thanks for getting this done for me. Also, if you haven't read her story As Heaven Breaks you need to. After you read this of course. And leave her some love. **

**Read!**

Scarred

Chapter 10

Walls Torn Down

I walked up to the familiar door and knocked. Two raps and then I stepped back. It had been two days and he hadn't even answered any of my calls, not one. I was scared that maybe he was already done with me.

Two days that killed me.

Two days I missed my other half.

Two days….

--

**Two days earlier……**

"Hey, Bells," Em said as he sat down at the dining table. I smiled back at him, and stuck the pasta in the microwave to let the cheese melt.

I was so thankful Charlie had an electric stove. I was able to still cook and not have the flashbacks of that night from the flames.

"Hey, Bear," I smiled back, and he chuckled.

"So, now it's just been shortened to Bear, huh?" He said with his dimpled smile.

"Yep, I'm in a good mood," I giggled. It had been a week since our first kiss, and declarations. Our whole little group was happy for us and they had all said it was about time that we had finally confessed our feelings. I just blushed as I snuggled into Edward. He, of course, laughed at me.

School was hard, but worth it by being with Edward. People were still assholes, but it was easy to deal with having such a great support system. Things were still hard. Everyday was a struggle.

Nights were the worst…

--

"_It seems that a heater was left on in the master bedroom and might have shorted and sparked. That's the preliminary report," One man said. _

_I looked up from my bed in my hospital room, my vision blurry. Things were in a fog, but I could hear the voices._

"_Such a sad thing. Something so small taking the parents from these young ones," Another voice spoke with sympathy. _

_My breathing became labored and the incessant beeping came faster. Tears stung my eyes, and I moved only about a centimeter but the pain that shot through me made me scream out….._

_--_

I woke up in a sweat and suddenly I was cradled to someone's chest where I began crying. Sobs ripped through my body as I gripped the shirt of my comforter, my rock. I could tell by the scent that it was my Edward. I could tell it was him anywhere.

"Shh, baby. I'm here. I've got you," He whispered soothingly as he rubbed my back.

I buried my face into his neck, breathing in deeply; which seemed to calm my breathing. His scent enveloped me, and I sighed as I calmed down. His hand came up to my face and wiped away my tears. I sighed again as he cupped my cheek and kissed his neck. He moaned softly; I felt empowered to have been able to affect him so.

My hand shook as I brought it up to cup his cheek. It scared me for a second that he would turn away because my gloves were off, but he held it there and leaned into my touch as if he sensed my worries. I kissed his neck again, but this time deeper letting my tongue peek out to taste him. We both let out a simultaneous moan, and suddenly the air shifted.

Our breathing grew heavier as my heart rate accelerated exponentially. My hand gripped his shirt tighter as his pressed into the small of my back bringing me even closer to him. I kissed my way up his neck to his jaw where I let instinct take over. I had never been with another boy like I had with Edward. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss. I knew I wasn't ready for anything too far, but I knew that my body craved his like nothing else.

I nipped at his jaw making him moan again. His hand started to skim up my side and brushed against the side of my breast. I gasped as he continued skimming going up and down slowly. My hand that was on his cheek went to it's favorite place, buried deep in his thick hair. I lightly tugged on it and pulled him closer. My body acted on it's own accord and soon I was reclining back. He followed me, he rested his body above me, licking and kissing my neck. I moaned as I opened my legs wider. He rested his body between them as my hips bucked up.

He groaned, burying his face into my neck. My hands trailed down his spine, which made him shiver above me. I got to the hem and suddenly had the urge to feel his skin against mine. I don't know what took me over, but both hands lifted up the hem and suddenly my hands were under his shirt. He gasped and moaned grinding against me. I moaned at the delicious friction this caused and my hips met up to his. He sat up suddenly and soon his shirt was on the floor.

I looked up at him; his creamy white skin was glowing in the moonlight seeping into the window. My eyes took him in slowly and precisely. I had imagined what he would look like but nothing compared to the real thing. My hands reached up on their own accord; I let my fingers trail down his taut muscles. The muscles twitched underneath my fingers and soon his breathing was even more labored. I looked up at him, his green eyes were darkened with something I had only seen rarely and only in short amounts of time.

"I want you," I whispered. I meant it in every way. I wanted him to love me and I wanted him to be mine. I just knew he was everything I could ever dream of having and so much more. He was everything I never knew I wanted or even needed.

"I want you too, so much," He said, just as quietly as if the room could be broken if we spoke to loud.

He leaned back over me, kissing my lips softly. My arms went around him as I traced light circles over his skin. My nails would scrape every once in awhile down. He would moan, and I would whimper in response.

"I love you," He whispered as he kissed my pulse point.

"I love you more," I said back and kissed his bare shoulder. He chuckled quietly and then sucked on the same spot.

"Impossible, baby," He said as he kissed the spot. I was pretty sure that maybe a mark would be there by tomorrow.

"How's that?" I asked in a moan.

"Because no one in history has loved someone," He said as he kissed me and nipped at my collarbone, "as much as I love you."

I moaned at his words and suddenly stiffened as I felt his hand creeping up the hem of my shirt. He stopped nipping at my skin, his eyes leveled with mine. I saw the fire burning in them and sucked in a ragged breath.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, but kept his hand where it was. I figured he knew exactly what was wrong.

"My scars," I whispered; He then shook his head at me.

"No, that's not a reason I'll listen to. Anything else?" He smirked at me. My head cocked to the side and I smiled slightly. I reached my hand up to his face and traced his features. He sighed as he leaned into my touch.

"I guess not," I whispered back, swallowing the lump in my throat. He smiled encouragingly at me as I kept my eyes on his.

His hand lightly traced from hipbone to hipbone over my sweatpants. He kissed my lips softly; both of us kept our eyes open as we kissed. I was communicating that I was okay for now. He was making sure that what he did was within my limits. It was one of the most of innocent touches ever, but at the same time it was so sensual. I felt like the coil inside me was going to tighten too much and I would explode soon.

I threw my head back deeper into the pillow and moaned louder than ever before when he splayed his hand against my stomach. His lips trailed back down my jaw to my neck. He nipped at my collarbone where I thought he would stay but he kept going further.

I watched as he continued his descent, kissing down and over my clothes. With the thin t-shirt I had on I could almost feel his lips on my skin. I sighed as he kissed his way between the valley of my breasts. He paused there and breathed in deep.

"Fuck, Bella. You always smell so damn good," He groaned.

I whimpered at how hot it made me to hear him curse. It was so sexy and his voice sounded so desperate. The amazing thing was, he was desperate for me.

He kept kissing down my clothed stomach. His eyes looked up into mine and they were glowing with something of a mix of lust, love, and excitement. My head came back and I looked up at the ceiling. I clenched my eyes shut as I waited for him to gag, or be completely repulsed by what he was about to do.

It never came.

I had both hands gripping my sheets as he slowly lifted my shirt up. I shivered as I felt the cool air hit my newly exposed skin. One of my clenched hands was suddenly stroked with his finger.

"Relax, baby," He whispered as he unclenched my hand.

He entwined our fingers and held my hand. He squeezed it reassuringly as I breathed in deep. My eyes stayed closed. I felt his hand on my bare skin. It was still a little sensitive but nothing compared to the pain I used to feel.

"You are so beautiful," He said quietly. His breath fanned over my skin and I arched my back. My moan was loud and needy.

I felt a tear streak down my face and moisten my hair. I didn't know why I was crying, just that I was. I could guess that it was from being scared but to be honest it was most likely because he loved me anyway. He could look at my scars and still see me as beautiful. He could look at them and not be disgusted.

I felt his hand move to the side of my stomach and I looked down wondering if he was done. He was far from it. His lips came down to a part of my stomach that was scarred and he kissed it. The tiniest and most innocent of kisses was laid upon a part of me I used to disgust. He made it seem almost beautiful.

"Edward," I sighed his name. He looked up at me and winked. My cocky, arrogant Edward was back. I giggled as he kissed higher still looking into my eyes. His tongue peeked out as he continued to kiss higher and higher. The playful atmosphere was gone as soon as it came. His hand let go of mine and soon both of his hands pushed up my shirt further. I gasped as I realized what he was about to do.

"Don't," I stopped him and sat up. He sat back on his heels and suddenly held up his hands in front of himself.

"Okay," He said breathlessly "I'm sorry."

I pulled my shirt back down and looked down at my hands. We sat in silence as our breathing calmed down, both of us looking anywhere but each other. I was struck with a thought and blurted out the question.

"How did you get in here?" I asked, perplexed. He smirked at me as he pointed to my half opened window.

"Your dad should know better than to have put you in the room with the tree right next to it," he chuckled, quietly as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. I giggled, and he looked at me funny.

"Um, you have a leaf sticking out of your pocket," I said as I reached for it. He laughed too and took it from me.

"Funny," he said, lifting it up. I took it back from him and laid it on my table beside my bed. He bent over the side of my bed and lifted up his shirt.

"Don't," I said as he prepared to put it on. He stopped midway and looked at me funny.

"What?" He scooted close to me, and suddenly I felt my cheeks flush. "What, baby?" He asked again, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I just like seeing you like that," I said, and waved my hand towards him. He looked down at himself then back at me.

"Okay," He shrugged as he threw his shirt over his shoulder with a smile. I giggled as I leaned forward taking his face in my hands. I kissed his lips lightly and smiled against them.

"I love you. So much," I said, against the lips I had come to know well.

"I love you more," He said back. I shook my head at him knowing it was impossible to fight him on this. He kissed my lips with a little more pressure before pulling back. "So, why are you in bed so early anyway?" I smiled and blushed.

"I'm usually in bed this early. I don't usually get much sleep because of the…." I said and stopped. He nodded in understanding.

"Nightmares," He finished. I nodded, and he stretched his arms out to me. I curled up into his side and laid my head on his shoulder. He put his other arm behind his head, and we both got comfortable in my bed.

"Will you stay? Until I fall back asleep," I added. He kissed the crown of my head, and then said a quiet 'of course'. I snuggled close into his body and relaxed more than I had in a long time.

Things were perfect.

Or so they seemed….

--

The next two days were hell. He never called me, he never came to school. No one would answer my questions saying they weren't getting in the middle of our shit. I would just sigh and move on. I texted him three times that first day. I knew if it were a real emergency that everyone would let me know. This could only mean one thing…

He was avoiding me.

--

I ran through all the things that happened the last time we were together. The night we crossed some physical boundaries. He took down many of the walls I built up last night. I cooked dinner on autopilot. I heard Emmett talking to me as I worked but his words just turned to mush.

I fixed them both plates and sat them on the table. I called them saying that the food was ready but then left saying I ate as I cooked. That was a lie. I just wanted to get out of there; I wanted to be alone.

I curled up into my bed and hugged my pillow to me. It still smelled like him. I turned and grabbed my phone. Still no missed calls. I sighed as I put on my pajamas and crawled into bed.

I had a sleepless night with thoughts racing through my mind of what I might have done wrong.

--

The second day just made me edgy. I was scared. Scratch that, I was terrified. Everything seemed to make me paranoid about the fact that Edward was going out of his way to avoid me, but at the same time I felt it might be something bigger. Something to do with his secret.

After school, Emmett and I sat on the couch watching TV.

"Has Rose said….?" I began to ask but he just sighed.

"No, she hasn't said anything," He responded. I nodded, looking back at the TV. I was growing restless and needed to figure out what was happening.

"I'm going over there," I said, and stood. Emmett reached my hand and held it in his. I looked down at him and he looked back up at me with a furrowed brow.

"Be home before the curfew," He said as he pulled the truck keys from his pocket. I took them and thanked him.

I grabbed my coat, putting put it on quickly. I made my way out to the truck even faster, because I wanted to get out before Charlie would see me leaving. I really didn't want to be answering his questions.

It was an agonizing drive. The fifteen-minute drive felt like it took much longer. I was lucky to have seen the turn off. It was already getting dark outside, even in broad daylight it was hard to find.

I paced the truck slowly up the drive, quickly growing impatient. I stopped the truck right behind a silver Volvo. Edward said it was his parents' idea for him to have a car and not only a motorcycle.

I walked up to the familiar door and knocked. Two raps and then I stepped back. It had been two days and he hadn't answered my calls, not one. I was scared that maybe he was already done with me.

The house was lit up and I saw all the cars out front, even Rosalie's BMW. My heart pounded in my chest as I heard footsteps approach the door. The ever-beautiful Esme answered the door. She gave me a tight smile that still had a certain warmth to it.

"Hello Bella," She said softly, as she stepped back, allowing me inside. I heard all talking from the other room cease and looked over to the living room. Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie were sitting on the couch all staring back at me.

"I wanted to come by and see how Edward was. I haven't talked to him in a few days and wanted to make sure he was alright," I said, looking back at Esme.

"Hey, Bella," I heard from the three behind me. I turned back around and waved.

"Hi, guys."

"Of course. You know where his room is?" She asked, and led me to the stairs.

"The third floor. Only room up there," I said as I began my ascent up the grand staircase. I took deep breaths as I climbed. I was trying to gather up all the courage I could.

Finally, I was in front of his door. I could hear music bleeding through the door. I recognized it as Bullet for my Valentine's Waking the Demon.

_Waking The Demon,  
Where'd ya run to?  
Walking in shadows,  
Watch the blood flow.._

I knocked on the door loudly, so he could hear me then stood back.

"I really don't want to…" He said, through the door but stopped once he opened it and saw that it was me. "Bella," He whispered.

"It's nice to know you're not dead," I said, deadpanned. He chuckled at me and I raised a brow at him.

"Um, come in," He said as he walked over to his stereo. He turned off the music, the silence was deafening. He cleared his throat awkwardly as we both stood there.

"Edward," I said his name, and he looked up at me. His green eyes were looking tired and worn. He had dark circles under his eyes and they were slightly red from what looked like rubbing them too much. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked over the lump in my throat.

His eyes looked pained as he shook his head at me. "No, baby. You did nothing wrong," he walked over to me and held my face in his hands. I really didn't want to cry but everything just sort of came bubbling over. My insecurities of why he wasn't talking to me, and my fears that I might lose him and I lost it.

I wrapped my arms around him as he pulled me closer. I burrowed my head into his chest and held on tight. He kissed my temple and whispered his sorry into my ear.

"I fucked up. I've never had this before," He said quietly after my tears had stopped. We were lying on his bed on our sides facing each other. His hands were in my hair messing with the tendrils and occasionally massaging my scalp.

"You could have at least answered my calls," I said quietly. He looked at me and nodded.

"I know. Just things have been…." He paused "Complicated lately."

"You can talk to me. I'm here for you," I said as I scooted my body closer to his. He sighed and put his arm around me. He turned his body and laid down on his back. I rested my head on his shoulder with my arm across him.

"It's.." He paused and cleared his throat; "My dad."

"Carlisle? What happened?" I said, worried that something had happened to Dr. Cullen.

"No, my biological father," He said, and continued to look up at the ceiling. I learned quickly that hard issues for him took a lot of different cues. So, I rested my head back on his shoulder and didn't look into his eyes. He couldn't face me yet.

"Edward, we don't…" I said, but he cut me off.

"No, I should say this," he said as he held me tighter to him burying his face into my hair.

"Edward Masen Sr. is the man that killed my mother."

--

**AHH!! Another cliffie. I'm mean. This I know. I'm gonna try like hell to get it out before I'm 80. **

**BTW! If you read Before You that is going to be put on hold so I can get this done and in the can. (Movie term… Not trash can for all you flamers, who btw can kiss my ass) **

**I also have a twitter if you would like to follow me. It's under courthale. Not too hard to find. I'm locked so none of those porn people can add me. I have enough of my own porn thanks. **


	12. Into the Ocean

**Hey, it's me! I'm here! Lol Who woulda thunk it. I'm currently high on meds cuz of my sinuses. This might make an interesting author's note. Thank heavens for spell check. **

**I've been asked about what started the fire, if you look in chapter 11 you will see this…. "It seems that a heater was left on in the master bedroom and might have shorted and sparked. That's the preliminary report," One man said. -- There's your answer. **

**Thanks for the beta skills myheroin. You need to go check out her story. She's fucking awesome and is an incredible friend. I lurve her! Yes Krys, I said lurve. HAHAHA **

**I listened to Breaking Benjamin and Blue October pretty much the whole time writing this. **

Scarred

Chapter 11

Into the Ocean

I looked out the plane window and sighed. This was not how I wanted to spend Thanksgiving break. I just wanted to be sitting at the dinner table with my family, eating way too much food while I laughed at dad's stupid jokes.

But I'm here instead, on a flight to Illinois with my dad and girlfriend to see the man who fucked up my life beyond repair. I guess I can't really say that. He fucked it up, but it could be repaired to a degree. My head would always be fucked up. I would always be rude and drink and smoke. I would always have the affects of that day physically and emotionally.

I was surprised Bella didn't say anything about my scar when we had done those things in her room. I knew she had to have been so fucking preoccupied with her insecurities that she didn't even notice. I was kind of thankful for that shit. I didn't want to have to explain it to her at the time.

I was a shithead for ignoring her for a few days after. After the news I got, I just couldn't face her. I had hidden my demons away and even separated myself emotionally from my therapy. When it came to me in the least expected way, I just kind of broke.

This man who I didn't even want to think of, whose tainted blood traveled through my veins, was right in my fucking face. I snapped, I secluded myself from everyone. I didn't talk to my own mother that first day, until she begged me to let her bring me food.

The night Bella came to me, I realized that it wasn't just about me anymore. I had this whole other person who relied on me, and cared about me. She looked so fuckin' broken asking me if she had done anything wrong. That was the farthest thing from the truth.

"Hey," I heard from my right. I turned, and saw Bella looking at me with her brow furrowed. "You ok?" She whispered. I shrugged, intertwined our fingers, and kissed her glove-covered knuckles.

"As okay as I can be," I said with a sad smile. She nodded, and rested her head on my shoulder. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head as I breathed in deeply. I let all that was Bella Swan fill my senses, and was exponentially calmer.

"It seems we'll be there in about an hour," Carlisle said from the seat beside us. I nodded, and closed my eyes.

"Great, just what I need my first holiday vacation with my girlfriend, visiting the nut house. Hey, but who knows, this might be me in thirty years in that padded cell and…" I began to rant but Bella stopped me by putting her hand over my mouth.

"Stop," She commanded me. It was such a brazen move, and I felt fucking proud of her for standing up to my shit. "You will always be my Edward," She whispered into my ear and then kissed my neck.

"Nothing less," She said, and her tongue peaked out and I shivered. "Feel that?" She whispered.

"Yes," I answered weakly. I cleared my throat and answered again. "Of course I felt it."

She pulled back into her seat and took my hand in hers, "Good. Now, we will be there with you. No matter what, okay?"

"Yeah," I said as I squeezed her hand.

--

"Cullen, we have the suite," Carlisle said to the concierge. This whole thing had me on autopilot. It showed how far I'd come since last being in this town.

_Chicago._

Bella held my hand in hers as we stood behind my father. Yes, he is and would always be my father.

Blood or not, the reason we were here had no affect on that fact. He protected me, cared for me, was there. He was always there.

"Son?" He said as he put a hand on my shoulder. I looked into his eyes, he gave me a small smile.

"Let's get up to the room. I'm sure you're both exhausted. We have some time before we have to be anywhere."

"Okay." I nodded dumbly and followed him to the elevators. Bella was by my side the whole time. Her hand in mine seemed to be holding me in place, keeping me from floating away from this whole fucking situation. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. Neither was an option.

We walked out of the elevators and toward our room. Carlisle opened the door for us, I quickly looked around.

This was a change from what I ever thought I could be a part of. The room is huge and just fucking ostentatious. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"It was the only suite available." He shrugged.

I sighed, and looked at Bella. She's looking at the room with wide eyes. I tugged her hand to get her attention and she looked back at me. Her mouth snapped shut and she smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. Just… big," She said. I nodded and went to look around.

"There are three rooms. I made a promise to the chief that his daughter would have her own room. No sharing," He said as he looked pointedly at me. I smirked at him and he shook his head at me. "Bella, you can have this room. It has it's own bathroom."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," She said. "And I completely understand. I promise nothing will happen and to be on our best behavior." She looked so sweet and innocent. I raised an eyebrow at her and she just smiled back. Innocent my ass. The girl that I've spent kissing and touching every night, just pulled the wool over my father's eyes.

"Love you," I whispered only for her to hear. She smiled wide as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Love you more," She whispered into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders as I held her to me. I heard Carlisle flitting around the room as we stood there, in our own world.

I felt Bella yawn against my chest. I rubbed her back soothingly, "Tired?"

"Mhmm," She hummed. I looked around to see her bags set in front of a door.

"How about you go take a shower and a nap? Dad and I will go get some food for when you wake up," I told her and pulled back to look at her. She nodded and let out yet another yawn, covering her mouth with her small hand.

"Sorry," She blushed. I held her face in my hands and kissed her forehead.

"Go, I'll be here when you wake up with more food than you can even imagine eating," I said against her lips. I kissed her softly and she nodded.

I watched her walk to her bags and pick them up. She went into her room and turned to look at me. She smiled as she closed the door. I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair.

"How are you doing?" Carlisle asked, and sat down on the couch. I sat in the chair across from him before answering.

"As well as can be expected," I said, and leaned my head back. "No amount of therapy is ever going to fix this." I laughed, and he snorted, very un-Carlisle like.

"Son, you never needed to be fixed. You may not be the most functional person in the world, but who is?" He asked, not wanting an answer.

"Mom?" I said anyway. He laughed as he shook his head.

"You and I both know that's not true," He said, and looked off into the distance, as if imagining her.

"She's a perfect example though. A kind, loving person who's been through so much, only to come out better because of it. She never let her problems become a crutch or an excuse. It was something that made her better and stronger." He looked back and me and smiled. "You may think you are a bad person, but that girl in the room right there," He said as he pointed to Bella's door. "Is proof that you are not a bad person."

"It's different though. You know this. You're a doctor, and you know that my chances for becoming just like him are pretty fucking high. If I ever," I stopped and thought of how to end that sentence. "If I ever hurt her, I would die. I would kill myself before ever letting myself be the one to harm her."

"Edward, you can't live in fear. You have options for this. I can help you," He said. I cleared my throat and stood, not ready to talk about this.

"Let's go get some food. I'm starving." He nodded, and stood with me. He grabbed his coat and his key to the rental Jaguar.

--

"Hey," I whispered as I pushed her hair away from her face. She fell asleep with it wet, so the natural waves had taken place in her hair. She looked so fucking innocent, sweet and just perfect.

"Hm," She hummed, and leaned her face into my palm. I smiled at her as one eye peaked open. "Hi," She said, her voice gritty and thick from sleep. To be honest, it kind of made my dick twitch.

"Got you some food," I said, and held up a bag containing more than she most likely ate in a day. She giggled and sat up. She shivered and rubbed her arms. I stood, pulled off my hoodie and handed it to her. She smiled, and pulled it over her head.

"Thanks." She smiled as I watched her breathe in deep, pulling the collar close to her nose. I smirked at her and she blushed.

"Let's eat," I said, and sat next to her. We dug in and watched a movie on TV.

It didn't take long before we were both finished and decided to just relax. We walked out onto the balcony and found a big lounge chair. I sat down and patted the space between my legs. She sat down in front of me and snuggled back into my chest.

I swept her hair to the side and kissed the nape of her neck. She sighed and leaned her head to the side to allow me more room.

Our physical relationship was taking leaps and bounds. I loved whatever she gave me. I never wanted more than she did. I was just happy with what she gave me. My hand and I got along just fine until she was ready.

"Are you okay?" Her quiet question caught me off guard. I leaned my head onto her shoulder. I nodded against her, and then shook it no quickly. My arms went around her small waist and pulled her toward me. "Do you want to talk?"

"Do I have to?" I whined. She giggled at my display. Her hand came to the top of my head and massaged my scalp.

"No, you never _have_ to. But would you like to?" She said softly. I shrugged as I turned my head to look at her.

"What's there to say? I've told you all I can," I , and kissed her cheek.

"That's not what I meant. How are you? How do you feel about all of this? About tomorrow?" She said as she continued her soothing movements. I hummed against her.

"I feel like tomorrow is a black hole. I have no fucking clue what will happen. I don't know what he's going to say. What I'm going to say," I let out a shuddering breath and shivered. "I don't fucking know anything other than the fact that I love you, and you're here with me. That's the only thing keeping me sane." I let out a humorless laugh at that. "Sane. I guess that's relative in my case."

"Don't. Please, don't do that." She pulled away from me, I let her go. I thought she would stand and walk away from me, but she turned in my lap and straddled me. I put my hands on her hips and looked up at her. "I know that you think that you are destined for something that you have no control over, but you have something he didn't have." She paused, "A support system with people who know to look for the signs. I will never give up on you Edward. You are all that I want. All that I could ever need." She put her forehead to mine and closed her eyes. "I love you, Edward. This isn't some high school sweetheart shit," She said as she smiled.

God, I love when she says shit like that.

"This is forever." She took my hand and placed it over her heart. "This is yours, forever."

I rested my head on her chest and listened to her heartbeat. I knew exactly how she felt. Everything in my life now revolved around her and what she felt.

_She was my forever._

--

"Put all of your belongings in here. I need anything metal. I also need your belt." The guy at the front desk kept listing off all the things I couldn't take with me behind the gate.

I put all of the belongings into the container and gave him a stern look.

"If any of my shit is missing when I come out, I will kick your ass." He just shook his head at me as he put the lid on the box. I turned to Carlisle and Bella.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come in there? I can just sit. Not a word will be said from me." Carlisle looked at me, pleading. He knew what this could do to me. He cared. He didn't want me hurting.

"I need to do this." I gave him a sad smile, and he nodded. I turned to Bella, and she was biting her lip nervously. I took her hand in mine, and rubbed my thumb over her knuckles.

"I love you," She said quietly. I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Hers went around my waist.

"I love you too," I whispered into her hair.

"Good luck," She said with one final kiss.

--

"Just take a seat. He'll be out to talk to you in a minute," The guard said, and pointed to a table. I nodded as I sat down. My leg bounced nervously as I waited. My fingers tapped on the table and I whistled under my breath. My eyes scanned the room. It looked to be where everyone visited family or friends.

"Edward?" I heard behind me and jumped slightly. I stood, and came face to face with a man I could go many more fucking years without seeing. "Son?" His blue eyes looked so hopeful in that second. I almost felt sorry for him, almost.

"Hello," I said stiffly. He smiled and came to sit down across from me.

"You look so much like your mother." I froze at his statement and stared at him.

It all flooded me at once….

_I could see the house from where the bus dropped me off. _

_It was a rainy day._

_There was thunder and lightening, but I ran to the door of my house as quick as I could._

_It was locked, so I dug my key out of my backpack that my mom put there for me. _

_It was weird that no one was home._

_Usually my mom was here to let me in._

_I walked in and the house was dark._

_The shades were pulled down and none of the lights were on._

"_Hello?" I called out for my mother. _

_Nothing._

"_Mom!" I shouted. _

_I ran to the kitchen where she usually was. _

_Nothing._

_The living room._

_Still nothing._

"_Edward." I turned and ran._

"_MOM!" I yelled._

"_Edward! RUN!" I heard her screaming. I had to get to her. I loved her so much. She took care of me when I was sick. She gave me everything. _

"_Mom!" _

"_Bitch!" I heard from behind the door. "They told me what you did. They told me you were whoring around. I'll bet Edward's not even my son!" I heard a crash and then some screaming. _

_I stood, frozen. _

_I heard it then. It was like a small explosion._

_A gunshot. _

"_Dad?" I said in a small voice. I walked forward to the door. It was opened slightly and all I had to do was push it forward. _

_His face. _

_Her blood. _

"Edward? Son?" I shook my head and looked across from me.

"Don't. Don't call me that," I told him as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"But you are my son." He smiled.

"That's not what you said to her." I looked down at the table, not needing to elaborate.

"I'm so…" He started, but I stopped him with a raised hand.

"Don't. I don't need to hear that shit," I said, and shook my head. "I've been told countless times why and the reason you did what you did. It wasn't 'you.' Whatever. It doesn't change the fact that you killed her. I have that image in my head day after day." I looked up at him, he was nodding in agreement.

"I know that I'm to blame for what has happened to us. But I've found something that makes me think that I'll be okay." He smiled a serene smile.

"Wow, good thing that you'll be okay. Fuck what happens to me," I said as I shook my head at him.

"Can we just get the fuck down to business?"

"Yes, we can." He cleared his throat, then looked around nervously. "I know you have no reason to want to help me. I deserve nothing but your hate. But Edward, I'm dying." He smiled sadly at me.

I just stared. I looked at his pale face, blue eyes and brown hair. I looked nothing like this man except for maybe his slightly crooked nose. One side of my jaw stuck out farther than the other, as did his, small things that drove me up the wall to share with him.

"I know," I said back.

"Well, I have leukemia. My doctors say I have 6 months at best…"

"Are you going to get treatments? Don't people usually go bald when getting treatments?" I interrupted, and then I noticed his hair.

"I'm not receiving treatments, Edward," He said, looking at me sadly.

"Why? You just want to die?" I said, a little too loudly.

"I've made peace with the Lord. It's all okay for me to go now. I want to be with your mother again, I want to see her again. To be with her, free of these demons. Through it all she never blamed me. She loved me unconditionally," He said, he sounded like some preacher, spouting off the bible.

"She loved me. You took her away from me. She was my mother for fuck sake. I needed her!" I said, getting louder and louder. I punched the table as the last words spewed from my mouth.

"I didn't know better!" He shouted back. "She was my life! She was and is everything to me. You think

I wanted this to happen! These voices telling me she was evil. You _are_ evil. I don't want this to be the way things are," He said, and the guards rushed over.

"Just answer me one thing," I said, fucking tired of this conversation.

"What?" He asked while one guard took hold of his arm.

"Why did you want me here?" I asked looking him straight in the eyes.

"I wanted to see my son before I die," He said with a smile. I shook my head at him and stood.

"This is the last time you'll see me. So, take a good look." I spun around for him mockingly. "Because I'm done."

I walked out the door finally done with that part of me.

--

"Your father has decided to not take any treatments." The psychiatrist talked while we sat there in his office. Bella's small hands in mine as we listened to him drone on and on. I barely heard anything he said.

"He has schizophrenia. You act like he's a fucking child innocent of all crimes," I said as I looked down at Bella's hand.

"I'm not saying he's innocent. I'm just saying that he didn't know better," The doctor said to me.

"That's just a nicer way of putting it." I sighed, and stood.

"Edward?" Carlisle stood with me.

"I know what I know. I was there. I saw that man in there kill an innocent woman because of something that he had every opportunity to find help for. I'm not listening to this bullshit. Just, let me know what he wants and I'll see if that works for me." I put my hands in my pockets and looked down at him. He looked into his file and then back at me.

"He wants to be cremated and have his ashes scattered over Chicago Botanic Gardens." He looked back to his file. He started to speak but I interrupted him.

"That's where they got married," I said quietly. Bella stood and took my hand in hers.

"Thank you, Dr. Carter," Carlisle said as he shook the other man's hand.

--

"I have some things I need to sort out. I'll be back late tonight. I have my phone if you need me." Carlisle walked out the door quickly, leaving Bella and I alone.

I roughly scrubbed my hands over my face and looked around.

"What do you want to do?" I asked her and tried to think of things to do.

She tugged my hand towards her room and I followed silently behind her. She sat me down on the edge of her bed and knelt in front of me. She pulled my Docs off my feet and put them to the side. Her hands came up and she pushed my jacket off my shoulders. She threw that to the side and pushed me to lie down. I just let her take control.

"Scoot up the bed. Lay on the pillows," She said, quietly as she began to remove her own shoes. Her coat joined mine and soon she was climbing towards me. I turned onto my side and pulled her towards me.

"Hmm," I hummed in approval. Her arms went around me and pulled my even closer. Her face buried into my chest as mine went into her hair.

"I love you," She said, and kissed my neck. I pulled her closer to me and felt my heart break.

"You shouldn't," I said brokenly. Everything my father said made perfect sense. No matter what happened to me, Bella would love me no matter what.

"Edward," She tried to sit up but I held her tighter to me. "Edward, please?"

"Bella," I said around the lump in my throat. "I don't know about this." I breathed out the breath I'd been holding.

"Edward, don't," She said with tears in her voice.

"I can't hurt you. I won't hurt you," I cried softly into her hair.

"I can't lose you," She said, and gripped my shirt into her hands.

"I love you enough to let you go."

--

***Hides behind wall waiting for the rotten veggies to be thrown***** So, Yeah. Have patience though. These two will have a happily ever after. I promise. **

**So, what did you think of Edward Sr.? You've got more of his background. Let me know by reviewing. **


	13. For Me

**Chapter 12**

**For Me**

My heart stopped at his words. Everything was crashing down around me, and I was drowning. They didn't make sense at first. I could feel it coming and tried to stop him but everything was just not registering in my mind.

There was no me without him.

I didn't exist in a world where he wasn't with me.

"No." The command came from my mouth before I could even register it being uttered.

"Bella, I don't…" He started, but I pulled away from him roughly.

"No," I said again and sat up. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. "You don't get to make a decision for me. I'm in this too. I say I'll be here no matter what."

"Bella, this isn't about getting your way, this is about your life. I can't take that lightly," He said as he and sat up across from me. "I think that you and I should just…"

"Stop!" I covered my ears to keep his words from entering my mind. I stood quickly and paced back and forth. "You don't get to decide for me, Ed-_ward_!" I spoke his name slowly. "I have lost almost everything important to me. But then…" I laughed bitterly, "Then, I meet you and you bring me back. I'm not in the dark anymore hanging on the ledge ready to jump. You hold me to you and I feel okay again. I feel alive! I fucking feel again!" I ranted and watched him as I moved. "If you leave me, I don't know how I can survive that. I can't. There is no me without you. Isabella Swan died in that fire. Bella Swan came to life the day I met you." I threw off my gloves and held up my hands to him. "These scars were caused by a pain so excruciating I was out for days on end. But right now, thinking about you leaving me, hurts 1,000 times worse." I felt the tears on my cheeks, but I didn't care. He needed to see this. He needed to see how much I needed and wanted him.

He watched me as I moved. His face was an unreadable mask that I just wanted to rip away. I wanted to know how he felt and what he wanted. I didn't want the saint. I wanted only the man. I wanted the love of my life to fucking fight for me, fight for us. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The beautiful hair that I wanted to run my fingers through while we made love. The hands that I wanted to touch me where no one has or ever will.

I went back over to the bed and crawled over to him. My body was telling me what to do and my brain was slow to catch up. Before I knew it, I was in his lap, my knees on either side of him.

"Just love me. That's more than I could ever deserve, but please." I put my hands on the sides of his face and made him look up at me. His eyes were so sad; the normal vibrant green was dulled down to a light color almost unrecognizable. The tears started to fall from his eyes as he blinked.

"I could never not love you, my Bella." He breathed and rested his head on my chest. "You own all of me; body and soul." I small sob erupted from my chest as I held him to me. I realized all at once how close I was to losing him.

"Don't ever… do that… to me again,." I said between my sobs and tears. His arms went around me and held my tightly. I could feel his tears through my shirt as he cried quietly with me.

"I'm sorry, baby." The endearment made my heart swell and skip a beat. I brought my face close to his and kissed his lips fiercely. Both hands cupped his cheeks as he held me tighter to him. We kissed and soon I was beneath him. I parted my legs and he rested between them.

"Never leave," I whispered as his kisses travelled down my jaw.

"Never," He whispered and took a shuddering breath. "I have to stop or I won't be able to if we keep going." He pleaded.

I moaned and shook my head at him, "I don't want to stop." He groaned at my words and his face buried farther into my neck.

"Don't say that unless you mean it," He said and his hot breath fanned across me. I shivered as I wrapped myself tighter around him.

My brain started to go a mile a minute as I thought about what I really wanted. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to give myself to him completely and for forever. I needed this, we both needed this. In that split second, I decided without a shadow of a doubt that this was what I wanted and not only what we needed.

"Yes," I breathed. He stayed still above me for a few seconds before pulling back to look at my face. He brushed the hair from my face and smiled down and me. Edward nodded his head and gave a small chuckle.

"As you wish," He said in a valiant manner.

I giggled and leaned up to kiss him. He met me halfway and we shared an innocent kiss. I sighed as he pulled away from me. His face turned serious as he stared down at me, and I bit my lip.

"What?" I asked, feeling slightly self-conscious of his piercing gaze.

"I love you." His eyes came to life before me and took the breath out of me. He wasn't the same boy I had seen that first day of school. He wasn't some stranger with a bad reputation. He was Edward. He was mine; just like I was his. The green become a lively emerald and I felt my eyes water.

"I love you too." My eyes filled with tears of sadness and joy. My sadness of how our lives brought us to each other.

The journey was so hurtful and full of longing. Longing for something more than what existed in our realm of us. Joy that it brought us here, in this very place. My joy in finding someone to love that loved me back. My heart was safe with Edward. I could feel everything shift in my soul. I found my missing piece. We united to become this oneness in each other. We were not soul mates, but one soul existing within two separate bodies. They were bruised and hurt but still alive and waiting. Waiting for the moment to really be what we were truly meant to be.

And what we were meant to be was us. We were meant to be together not in only this moment but for the rest of time. Nothing would separate Edward and I. Not even time or death. I would always be his, no matter what.

His hand brushed aside my tears as he kissed my temples where the trails fell. He understood me. He saw me, really saw me, and I was beautiful.

"Do we have much time?" I asked, and ran my hands up and down his back.

"Carlisle went to check my parents home that is still in my name. He also went to get a few more other papers in order for when I graduate from high school and what I'll be getting from my mother. I apparently have a lot to inherit." He shrugged as he played with a piece of my hair.

"So, we can…?" I began to ask and looked away with a blush.

"We have plenty of time, baby. Relax," He whispered. I nodded and relaxed back into the mattress. "He knew that I was having a…" He sighed. "A hard time with all of this. He wanted to leave us alone for a while. He might even meet with some old friends that live here after he's done with business." He smirked down at me.

It was that crooked smile that was sexy and confident, but then you looked into his eyes and saw a softness that balanced it all out. I brushed some hair out of his eyes and he closed his eyes with a sigh.

He leaned into my touch and nuzzled my palm. He pulled back from me and took both hands in mine. He kissed every fingertip on my right hand. Edward kissed my palm and then my wrist. He repeated the action on my left hand with reverence. And just like every other time he never faltered or made a face in disgust. I really was beautiful in his eyes.

"Such small, perfect hands." His whispered voice broke me from the trance of watching his lips pucker as they kissed my skin.

I looked up into his eyes and smiled. I blushed and looked back at his mouth. He licked his bottom lip and I moaned before I realized what I was doing. He chuckled, a low sexy sound, and leaned down over me.

"What do you want Bella?" He asked. His nose brushed the length of mine as he breathed out the words. I arched my back into him and my chest pressed into his. My nipples hardened in response to feeling the friction and the feeling of all that was Edward consuming me.

"I want you," I whispered, and heard his soft moan and the vibrations it caused in his chest. His eyes closed and he breathed slowly through his mouth.

"You have always had me, love." His eyes opened and looked down into mine. I let out a shuddering breath as I tightened my hold a little more on him. His hands curved under my arms and then gripped my shoulders.

"I want you to make me yours," I whispered and felt the fire ignite inside me. It was an unfamiliar feeling. Something that had only been awakened the day I met Edward, but now it was an intense flame burning my insides in the most delicious way.

"How's that, baby?" He asked and buried his face into my neck. He peppered a few kisses all over my skin as he waited for my answer. I knew that he knew what I meant but he wanted to hear the words.

"I…Please…" I said softly. He groaned in response and bit my flesh. I bucked my hips and could feel his arousal press into me. He pulled back and looked down at me. His smile was beautiful and I shivered in pleasure. He was perfect, inside and out.

"You want me to show you how much I love you, right?" He urged with a kind smile. I nodded and bit my bottom lip.

"Yes," I said with a blush. He kissed both my cheeks and pulled back to look at me.

"I love your blush." He kissed my jaw up to my ear. "Can't wait to see your whole body turn that shade of pink for me."

"Oh god," I moaned. This time his laugh was a kind of evil and a low tone. I giggled at him and I could feel him sigh against me.

"I'm asking you this once, Bella. Are you sure?" He kissed back up my jaw and looked into my eyes. I nodded.

"I know this is what I want," I said as I brought my hand up to his cheek.

"Okay then," He chuckled and leaned down towards me. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he stopped about an inch from my lips. "I'll be careful." He promised.

"I know. I trust you." He let out a quiet whimper and then nodded. My arms went around his neck and my legs spread and fell to the mattress. I arched into him as his tongue invaded my mouth.

In my whole life I had never been as calm as I was then. I wasn't afraid of the physical pain or the emotional repercussions. I trusted Edward with everything I was. I was so calm and at peace I wondered if it was even real.

"I'm going to make you feel so good, baby." He hot breath washed over my skin as he kissed down my throat. I moaned loud and long. My skin blushed a deep red in embarrassment. "I love that sound."

"What?" I asked.

"I love hearing what I do to you." His voice was muffled as he kissed between my breasts over my shirt. "Can I take this off?" I nodded and we both set up.

He pulled at the hem and soon it was gone to the floor. He stared at me and smiled. In the time Edward and I were together it got easy to be naked in front of him. I'd never been completely naked but we took it step by step. I knew that he saw the scars but they weren't something he loved me in spite of. He loved me as well as the scars. He knew where my life had been. He knew what odds I'd faced to be here. He also knew that I trusted him enough to even be this exposed in front of him.

"Perfect," He sighed as he leaned over me once again. I laid back down on the mattress with him above me. I reached down for the hem of his black t-shirt and began to pull it upwards. He leaned back on his heels and threw it off. My breath hitched every time his beautiful body was shown to me. To me he was truly perfect.

My hands reached up and touched his stomach. His muscles clenched as my hands passed. I smiled as I use my nails to lightly scratch down his torso. He moaned and arched into me. I sat up and leaned forward to kiss his chest. His hands went to my hair and held me to him. My tongue peeked out, and I licked his skin. He tasted incredible.

"God, you're so good at that." He grunted.

I smiled against his flesh and nipped at his skin. His hand massaged the back of my head and the other on reached down my back. It came to a stop at my bra and like an expert he flicked the clasps. It loosened and fell to the crook of my elbows.

"Lean back baby," He said softly. I gave one last nip at his nipple and he squeaked. I laughed and leaned back on the bed.

"What was that?" I asked through my giggles.

"That was…" He looked around turning a bright red. "Whatever. That was my girlfriend biting my nipple and me making a noise. Shut up.," He chuckled.

"It was cute." I cooed at him and grabbed the back of his neck. I pulled him to me and gave him a soft kiss. He nipped at my bottom lip and I moaned, all teasing forgotten.

"I can't wait to feel you inside me," I said, and he growled into my mouth. He kissed me roughly, possessing me. My hips rose and bucked into his. I could feel him hard against me, and he groaned.

"Why do you tease me?" He said as he pulled back from me. I knew an answer wasn't expected so I just smiled up at him and ran my nails down his back.

He pulled the bra away from me and tossed it to the floor. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips before kissing downward. I was a little self-conscious when it came to my chest. Edward seemed to like them. It made me feel like a woman when he touched me like this.

"Perfect for my hands." He mumbled. "So flawless." My breath stuttered as the word tumbled form his lips.

His tongue traced my nipple and it puckered. He bit lightly and I let out a noise of pleasure. He gave the same attention to the other and soon he was kissing down my stomach. His hands ran up and down my sides. I relaxed into the bed as he kissed my scarred flesh. Things had changed so much. I was so thankful that he tore my walls down. He was the only one who could see me like this and make me feel so comfortable.

I only tensed slightly as he undid the button of my jeans. It was instinct, and I relaxed as soon as I remembered where and whom I was with. My hands went into his hair; it was soft and thick. He always smelled so good.

His fingers hooked into my jeans and pulled them down. I wiggled my hips to help him. He took off my socks with a smirk.

"Love when you wear these." He laughed. I blushed and bit my lip. They were just silly knee socks with multi-colored stripes.

I was spread out in front of him in nothing but my simple blue cotton panties. He breathed in deep as he let his eyes roam over my body. I gripped the sheets in a tight fist as his gaze made my desire for him build inside me. My body reacted and soon my panties were soaked.

"Your turn," I said breathlessly.

He raised and eyebrow at me then nodded. He reached down for his belt and undid that removing it quickly. I laughed as he made a show of undressing himself. He made me feel so relaxed, even in something so pressuring.

He snapped his belt and gave me a quick wink. He dropped it to the floor with a loud thud. He unbuttoned his jeans looking me in the eyes the whole time. They fell to the floor and he pushed them aside. He was left in his black boxer briefs. I could see the outline of his hard on clearly. I licked my lips and moaned.

How did he make me feel so many things like never before? I didn't understand some of my body's reaction to him. I wasn't sheltered by any means. I had gotten myself off plenty of times. I had just never had this reaction to another person before.

He brought his hands to run up and down my thighs. I spread them wider and he smiled in response.

"Scoot to the edge for me, love," He said softly and knelt down on the floor by the bed.

He reached over and grabbed a pillow and put it on the floor. I'd guessed it was for his knees. I scooted my body to the edge of the bed and laid back down. He leaned over me again and kissed my belly button. My scarred flesh surrounded it but it came out unscathed. I could tell how much he loved that part of me. He would kiss and lick it. It made me moan every time.

"I'm gonna do something I've never done before. And you said you trust me, right?" He said looking up at me through his thick lashes. I nodded and reached towards one of his hands. I laced our fingers together and squeezed his hand.

His crooked smile lit up his face, and he winked at me. He brought his hands higher and hooked his fingers in my underwear. I bit my lip and looked down at him.

"Trust." He repeated. I nodded and laid back down. I kept my eyes focused on the ceiling and tried to calm my breathing. I had an idea of what he was doing. It made my heart pound to think that maybe he was about to do that to me.

My eyes closed and my head threw back as his mouth descended on my flesh.

"Edward," I sighed.

--

**Hello! I'm so sorry for the wait and I've been stuck on this lemon for forever but I realized it's because I want it in Edward point of view. So, here's what we see of Bella. I hope you like it. No new moonish type separation. They are to go through the hardships together.**

**I'm thinking about 5 chapters left. They have a few more things to deal with then they can have the Happily Ever After.**


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